What's wrong with the friendzone?

ConcernedSister

Femoid
Something I'm struggling to figure out. Let's assume that yes, you've been sexually rejected by all women you have ever met so far. Fine. Then you meet one and think she'll be different, but when you make a move you're rejected again. Ouch. But! She likes your personality and wants to be friends, for real. She's willing to put in the work on her side as well to maintain the relationship, she just won't sleep with you. While obviously it's not your first choice, unless your cup of existing friendships runneth over how is being friends a bad thing? Sure, initially it might feel like a bs consolation prize, but if you were attracted to her personality as well as physically wouldn't it still be valuable to keep a cool person in your life? I'm not talking about "It's not you it's me, let's just be friends" soft No's where everyone knows it's not in the cards, but actual genuine platonic friendship. The kind where she's the first to show up if you're in the hospital, the person who takes your calls in the middle of the night when you need to talk, someone to get drunk with or play video games with, who'll bail you out of jail, etc. Why is friendship a non-starter, especially since it doesn't preclude you from still pursuing other romantic relationships?
 

StrangeMan1

Malicious Wraith
Ah no this is just humiliating. Either a man wants a intellectual friendship from the very beginning or he moves on. Reverse the roles and try to feel how it is to see your crush constantly kissing other women.
 

Chad the Impaler

Incels.Net Novice
So there’s nothing wrong with the friend zone on the surface level. It's okay for a woman or a man to view a friend of the opposite sex as a friend regardless of the other person’s feelings. However that comes with a responsibility that I see people break, and that’s when a woman still leads a man on. When they starts asking for favor after favor from said friend because they know they can’t say ‘no’ to them. When they lead them on with “well maybe, I don’t know the future, just not right now”. When they use excuses like “I don’t want to be in any relationship right now” and then two weeks later start going out with some dude. Or coming to him after every fight or problem with their boyfriend because she knows he will always validate her side.

Those are toxic. There needs to be honesty. A lot of girls don’t want to loose a friendship with a guy that treats her so well and therefore won’t ever be blunt with how she feels. Or she’s completely fucking helpless and needs someone to drive her places, buy her shit, and help open pickle jars.

It’s possible to have a healthy friendship with someone who you want sexually or who wants you sexually. Feelings are gonna get hurt because it’s complicated but it’s not impossible. It’s seldom done right though and can stunt a man’s development as he pays so much attention to “how do I win her over” that he completely missed his chance to go hangout with other friends and meet someone through them.
 

Stargazer

Femoid
Those are toxic. There needs to be honesty. A lot of girls don’t want to loose a friendship with a guy that treats her so well and therefore won’t ever be blunt with how she feels. Or she’s completely fuсking helpless and needs someone to drive her places, buy her ѕhit, and help open pickle jars.

It’s possible to have a healthy friendship with someone who you want sexually or who wants you sexually. Feelings are gonna get hurt because it’s complicated but it’s not impossible. It’s seldom done right though and can stunt a man’s development as he pays so much attention to “how do I win her over” that he completely missed his chance to go hangout with other friends and meet someone through them.
Completely agree. It's only possible if clear boundaries are set and no-one is taking advantage. I admit i do see women doing this all the time and it's not right. Its toying with emotions and can, as you say, stunt a man's development. If you are friends with a girl you like and she is taking advantage of you then you need to call her out on it and break off communication (I'm not saying break of the friendship, because i do not even consider that a friendship). Its an abuse of power. And unfortunately if you keep dangling on whilst they treat you this way then you are only teaching her that it's okay to do that... You need to show her that it is not acceptable behavior by calling her out on it.
 

Kolibri

Destroyer of Soy
From my experience, I don't normally go into friendships with women expecting more; I get a crush on them later. What happens when they find out is normally that I'm accused of just wanting to "get in their pants" even though I've never had sex or even touched anyone in a sexual manner.

Plus it's annoying to put time into a friendship like that and they abandon you as soon as they get a boyfriend.

Either one of those things happens to me every time. Or I get ghosted.
 

ConcernedSister

Femoid
Ah no this is just humiliating. Either a man wants a intellectual friendship from the very beginning or he moves on. Reverse the roles and try to feel how it is to see your crush constantly kissing other women.
So asexual women or lesbian women aren't even worth knowing unless you're aware it'll be intellectual in advance? Or straight women in committed relationships that you find out about later?

I see your point about reopening wounds whenever she has a new squeeze, and totally agree that if you know you won't be able to tamp down on that crush it's best to separate. But I guess I've also been able to kill hopeless crushes over time... I suppose it depends on the severity of the feelings in question. Super helpful answer, thanks.
 

lordoftheincels

Incels.Net Master
So asexual women or lesbian women aren't even worth knowing unless you're aware it'll be intellectual in advance? Or straight women in committed relationships that you find out about later?

I see your point about reopening wounds whenever she has a new squeeze, and totally agree that if you know you won't be able to tamp down on that crush it's best to separate. But I guess I've also been able to kill hopeless crushes over time... I suppose it depends on the severity of the feelings in question. Super helpful answer, thanks.
I only want a girl friend if its friends with benefits. My balls are like magnetically attracted to youthful bent over females who are not fat. (Not pedο, talking about 18 year old chicks, maybe 17 year old. Hey where i live its legal dont cuck me bro
 

ConcernedSister

Femoid
So there’s nothing wrong with the friend zone on the surface level. It's okay for a woman or a man to view a friend of the opposite sex as a friend regardless of the other person’s feelings. However that comes with a responsibility that I see people break, and that’s when a woman still leads a man on. When they starts asking for favor after favor from said friend because they know they can’t say ‘no’ to them. When they lead them on with “well maybe, I don’t know the future, just not right now”. When they use excuses like “I don’t want to be in any relationship right now” and then two weeks later start going out with some dude. Or coming to him after every fight or problem with their boyfriend because she knows he will always validate her side.

Those are toxic. There needs to be honesty. A lot of girls don’t want to loose a friendship with a guy that treats her so well and therefore won’t ever be blunt with how she feels. Or she’s completely fuсking helpless and needs someone to drive her places, buy her ѕhit, and help open pickle jars.

It’s possible to have a healthy friendship with someone who you want sexually or who wants you sexually. Feelings are gonna get hurt because it’s complicated but it’s not impossible. It’s seldom done right though and can stunt a man’s development as he pays so much attention to “how do I win her over” that he completely missed his chance to go hangout with other friends and meet someone through them.
Yeah agreed. The situation that brought me here with my brother reads almost exactly like that script. It's really shitty to string someone along just because you enjoy the attention, and whoever has the greatest "power" in the relationship needs to be an adult about it.

Though there's also a responsibility on the other side to accept a no, even if you think the person's no means "try harder." At least, that's a principle I think is important to set - if a guy I've asked out says no or is coy about how he's such a dark, violent, dangerous person I *believe him* and kthnxbai. I know lots of women are into that so sometimes the guy is shocked because it was supposed to be a challenge, but that's a lousy misleading challenge for everyone. At least y'all already know this - the less you accept being played the less people will try.

Jury's still out on pickle jars though...they're a menace. =P
 

ConcernedSister

Femoid
Sounds cuck when u put it like that.

If its a girl friend then fine. If its a girlfriend then no, i will not have this cheating around with random asshole males. Might be fine with lesbian orgy if I am allowed in of course.
Lol wouldn't be very lesbian with men on the scene. Invites to lesbian dorm pillow fights in sexy lacy smalls are about as realistic as Dom bad boys who miraculously turn into sweet and gentle lovers, but only with you.
 

DontWakeMe

Incels.Net Master
Something I'm struggling to figure out. Let's assume that yes, you've been sexually rejected by all women you have ever met so far. Fine. Then you meet one and think she'll be different, but when you make a move you're rejected again. Ouch. But! She likes your personality and wants to be friends, for real. She's willing to put in the work on her side as well to maintain the relationship, she just won't sleep with you. While obviously it's not your first choice, unless your cup of existing friendships runneth over how is being friends a bad thing? Sure, initially it might feel like a bs consolation prize, but if you were attracted to her personality as well as physically wouldn't it still be valuable to keep a cool person in your life? I'm not talking about "It's not you it's me, let's just be friends" soft No's where everyone knows it's not in the cards, but actual genuine platonic friendship. The kind where she's the first to show up if you're in the hospital, the person who takes your calls in the middle of the night when you need to talk, someone to get drunk with or play video games with, who'll bail you out of jail, etc. Why is friendship a non-starter, especially since it doesn't preclude you from still pursuing other romantic relationships?
Your proposal sounds like just a huge compromise on his side to me. At least he gets something right? Well ultimately he will still want a "full" relationship with her, and it will eat away at him every time she gets with another guy. This will chisel away at his ego, seeing how he does so much for her and she doesn't want him, and wont do much for him, but she will spread her leg for a guy she's only known for a few hours while she was drunk. Eventually he will have enough. I've seen it many times.
 

Impure666

Incels.Net Regular
Something I'm struggling to figure out. Let's assume that yes, you've been sexually rejected by all women you have ever met so far. Fine. Then you meet one and think she'll be different, but when you make a move you're rejected again. Ouch. But! She likes your personality and wants to be friends, for real. She's willing to put in the work on her side as well to maintain the relationship, she just won't sleep with you. While obvioe attracted to her personality as well as physically wouldn't it still be valuable to keep a cool person in your life? I'm not talking about "It's not you it's me, let's just be friends" soft No's where everyone knows it's not in the cards, but actual genuine platonic friendship. The kind where she's the first to show up if you're in the hospital, the person who takes your calls in the middle of the night when you need to talk, someone to get drunk with or play video games with, who'll bail you out of jail, etc. Why is friendship a non-starter, especially since it doesn't preclude you from still pursuing other romantic relationships?
not one word.gif
 
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