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Maskedman

Heavy steps through life.
I survived COVID-19, and honestly, it wasn't even that bad. I was sick for about 4 days, but quickly recovered afterwards. However, my sense of smell has been reduced quite a bit (not sure when that is supposed to come back).

Besides illness, I took a break from incel discussion because of the affect it has on my state of mind. I find places like these to be incredibly good in some aspects : I get to chat with others in the same position, share my thoughts on things, eases the loneliness and many other benefits. For me, however, It can also be detrimental. Seeing the state of women and society brings about uncontrollable rage and sadness. When I see the state of things, I am no longer the master of my emotions; rather, I allow the world to dictate my thoughts and feelings. This is not something I want for myself.

I know I must learn to be the one in control of my feelings and life, to the best of my ability -- whether or not a woman is in my life. It is a lofty goal, but that is how I want to live whatever remains of this life. And in order to do this, I know it is necessary (but not sufficient) for me to leave the incel community.

I guess this is goodbye. I doubt many of you knew me well, but I consider you all to be my brothers, and I apologize if I said anything that caused you pain.
 
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XTamaska

Doesn't matter how dark it gets, the sun will rise
I survived COVID-19, and honestly, it wasn't even that bad. I was sick for about 4 days, but quickly recovered afterwards. However, my sense of smell has been reduced quite a bit (not sure when that is supposed to come back).

Besides illness, I took a break from incel discussion because of the affect it has on my state of mind. I find places like these to be incredibly good in some aspects : I get to chat with others in the same position, share my thoughts on things, eases the loneliness and many other benefits. For me, however, It can also be detrimental. Seeing the state of women and society brings about uncontrollable rage and sadness. When I see the state of things, I am no longer the master of my emotions; rather, I allow the world to dictate my thoughts and feelings. This is not something I want for myself.

I know I must learn to be the one in control of my feelings and life, to the best of my ability -- whether or not a woman is in my life. It is a lofty goal, but that is how I want to live whatever remains of this life. And in order to do this, I know it is necessary (but not sufficient) for me to leave the incel community.

I guess this is goodbye. I doubt many of you knew me well, but I consider you all to be my brothers, and I apologize if I said anything that caused you pain.
 

Oogabooga

Everything is fucked
27961

Here’s hoping you the best. Find happiness. And if there’s ever been a unicorn in mankind's history, I hope you find her. Sayonara.
 

Maskedman

Heavy steps through life.
I know I said I would not be back, but I thought it was necessary to share my experiences thus far on what I've been doing. Hopefully I can help someone here.

I have been mediating each day for a period of 30 min- 1hour. I find that I have deep psychological distress: there are extremely powerful emotions that I've suppressed for a long time. They involve experiences that I have had with women that have had lasting impacts on my mind.

The first time I came face to face with my thoughts, I had a panic attack; I could not handle the reality of my thoughts or my actions in response to the pain I've experienced. It felt like I had unchained a monster within me. It was frightening.

In our day to day lives, we distract ourselves with many things to avoid coming confronting this deep pain.

I have a long way to go. I don't mean to scare you, but I believe many of us have something like what I saw within myself. I hope I can heal, and I hope you can to. This will be a journey.

Until the next update, my friends.
 
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Maskedman

Heavy steps through life.
I stopped watching Pοrn for the last couple of weeks. I feel really good. Pοrn fucked me up, and I will never go back to it. Short update, but I'm continuing to get my life together. I feel good energy right now.
 

Maskedman

Heavy steps through life.
Life is somewhat bearable at the moment. I do feel lonely at times though; this forum and other incel forums helped fill that void. Going cold turkey feels like I'm entirely on my own.

I've been working on controlling my negative thoughts. When one arises, I allow the thoughts to pass rather than dwell on them. They are just like sensations when you think of them like this. They are as real as you allow them to be.

I've also been thinking about female nature. It's hard to be mad at them (for me) now. Even if I try to be mad at them, it doesn't give the same feeling. How can I mad at something that follows its programming? Am I mad at a tree for not walking, a bird for not speaking, etc? It's hard to be angry at something that has little choice in its subconscious decision making.
 

unfixable

Incels.Net Novice
It's hard to be angry at something that has little choice in its subconscious decision making
Following the same reasoning you shouldn't be angry at a group of inmates gang raping you in prison, since we're nothing more than biological puppets in this predetermined universe why should you be mad about it? You might as well spread those chicks and let the homies have a good time ;)
 

Maskedman

Heavy steps through life.
Having a rough time atm.. I know I'm in a bad headspace when I start daydreaming about the collapse of the United States. I've been thinking about my future for sometime, and it is depressing: writing code for some fat pig at the top, dealing with workplace politics and dealing with people for that matter. Is this what I'm working hard towards? It all seems so pointless.

If things were right, I would be self-sufficient, growing and hunting my own food. This ѕhit society has pigeonholed me into being some disposable wage-slave.

In the back of my mind, I hope either a Biden or Trump victory sparks a real civil war, so I don't have to think about my future so much. I really shouldn't be going in this line of thinking; it's always been destructive for me, but here I am.
 
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trentDIESalone

Incel Art
Having a rough time atm.. I know I'm in a bad headspace when I start daydreaming about the collapse of the United States. I've been thinking about my future for sometime, and it is depressing: writing code for some fat pig at the top, dealing with workplace politics and dealing with people for that matter. Is this what I'm working hard towards? It all seems so pointless.

If things were right, I would be self-sufficient, growing and hunting my own food. This ѕhit society has pigeonholed me into being some disposable wage-slave.

In the back of my mind, I hope either a Biden or Trump victory sparks a real civil war, so I don't have to think about my future so much. I really shouldn't be going in this line of thinking; it's always been destructive for me, but here I am.
That's kind of a fantasy in my head too.

Just watching this increasingly consumerist and perverted world slowly cave in on itself and collapse, so it can all be created anew with retrospect, fills me with enough anticipation to live.

It feels like I am just another cog in the machine with the world as it is now, I don't blame you for imagining a world where you actually have a place in.
 

Maskedman

Heavy steps through life.
Maskedman said:
Having a rough time atm.. I know I'm in a bad headspace when I start daydreaming about the collapse of the United States. I've been thinking about my future for sometime, and it is depressing: writing code for some fat pig at the top, dealing with workplace politics and dealing with people for that matter. Is this what I'm working hard towards? It all seems so pointless.

If things were right, I would be self-sufficient, growing and hunting my own food. This ѕhit society has pigeonholed me into being some disposable wage-slave.

In the back of my mind, I hope either a Biden or Trump victory sparks a real civil war, so I don't have to think about my future so much. I really shouldn't be going in this line of thinking; it's always been destructive for me, but here I am.
That's kind of a fantasy in my head too.

Just watching this increasingly consumerist and perverted world slowly cave in on itself and collapse, so it can all be created anew with retrospect, fills me with enough anticipation to live.

It feels like I am just another cog in the machine with the world as it is now, I don't blame you for imagining a world where you actually have a place in.
I feel ya. It's probably cope, but I hope this November is when chaos happens in this country.

Also, I'm submitting a FOIA request to the FBI to see if they've been spying on people who've frequented incel spaces, and you should too. The FOIA act allows US citizens to get a copy of any documents relating to the surveillance of oneself, directly from the FBI or NSA. Chances are, if have you've created accounts on .co or incels.net the FBI or NSA probably have been documenting your online activities or movements. With a FOIA request, you will get to see just how extensive this surveillance is, although they will probably redact much of the documents by blacking portions out. I will update you guys If I get anything back from my request.

I urge you to look into it if you're curious:

 

BeachbumJoe

Incels.Net Novice
Maskedman said:
Having a rough time atm.. I know I'm in a bad headspace when I start daydreaming about the collapse of the United States. I've been thinking about my future for sometime, and it is depressing: writing code for some fat pig at the top, dealing with workplace politics and dealing with people for that matter. Is this what I'm working hard towards? It all seems so pointless.

If things were right, I would be self-sufficient, growing and hunting my own food. This ѕhit society has pigeonholed me into being some disposable wage-slave.

In the back of my mind, I hope either a Biden or Trump victory sparks a real civil war, so I don't have to think about my future so much. I really shouldn't be going in this line of thinking; it's always been destructive for me, but here I am.
That's kind of a fantasy in my head too.

Just watching this increasingly consumerist and perverted world slowly cave in on itself and collapse, so it can all be created anew with retrospect, fills me with enough anticipation to live.

It feels like I am just another cog in the machine with the world as it is now, I don't blame you for imagining a world where you actually have a place in.
NO SUCH THING, this earth is FUCKED!
 

Maskedman

Heavy steps through life.
It's been a while. I'm doing alright these days, mostly busy with school. I notice that I feel good; I don't over think things as much, and have a new found sense of focus on what matter to me. It's weird looking at my state of mind in July-August compared to now because of the drastic change. I still do dread the future, but not to the same extent. I think reading into stoic practices has helped me a lot here, the key for me being to not worry about things that are outside of my control, which includes women. It is truly liberating to see this way. With respect to women, I think the pain for incels comes from trying to reconcile what you wish women were like and their behavior. I say accept their nature for how it is because there is nothing you can change; it is totally outside of your control; thus, it is not worth dwelling on.

Slowly, you can take back control of your life by ignoring what can not be changed (women, people's opinion, etc) and focus on what you can control (your personal level of self-respect), which entails treating yourself like someone worth caring about.
 
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