Tired of living a lie

reg509

Incels.Net Novice
Almost all incels are or have been at some point in their life socially awkward outcasts, but many, including myself, have found a way to cope by LARPing to the best of our ability as bluepilled normans; I guess you could call this our best attempt to "Be M0ar P0$iTivE." Obviously it doesn't help us get laid or find love or make any substantial changes that would actually improve our lives, the best it may do is elevate you from complete outcast status to lower tier NPC status. So is it worth it? As someone who's been doing it for over a year now, I've come to the conclusion that it is definitely not, and the purpose of this thread is to warn anyone considering giving it a try.

The main trick behind this technique is to put up a facade to mask all your pain and anxiety, because that's truly what makes even the least ugly incels stand out so greatly from the robots. For some it might seem impossible to do. It requires a great level of self control, not self control in the typical sense where people usually mean the ability stop smoking, drinking, stuffing your fat face, etc, self control in the sense that you can actually control every aspect of yourself at will, almost like your mind was a separate entity operating your body and emotions like a puppeteer. As corny as this may sound, there's a song from the 50's that does a great job of describing this phenomenon. www.youtube.com/watch?v=rwfmbXJEBtY

I did this LARP strat for the entirety of 2018. I acquired normie friends, I spent less and less time on the internet, and I spent more time as the facade than me. It's more than just acting different around people, it's about becoming an entirely different person. So much so that it has become hard to distinguish myself from the alter ego I created. This has made me twice as existentially confused as before because even though life was tough before at least then I knew who I was, what I liked, what I stood for, what I was against, and where I wanted to go in life, but now I have no idea. I don't know who I am anymore. When I'm alone I spend my free time trying desperately to remember who I really am. I don't know what movies, TV shows or games I really like, if I even like movies, TV or games at all. I don't know what I believe in anymore, I know I don't believe the bullshit my facade believes, or at least I didn't back when I was myself. I don't know what I like to do anymore. I know I don't enjoy the activities my facade participates in, or at least I didn't before. It's as maddening as it sounds. It has to be a borderline mental disorder of some kind, I'm certain of it.

I came very close to killing myself on the christmas of 2017, and I'm beginning to think that in a weird way I succeeded, because I haven't been myself for over a year now. I'm just a shell occupying cubic space. My life has no direction anymore. Everything's just at a standstill. I don't have any life goals, major or minor, any worthwhile skills, anything to do or any places to go, no job, no life, no hope.
 

lordoftheincels

Incels.Net Master
Been a while since I ever actually had any real sense of identity. Come to think of it, ever since the day I was born I never had an identity. Pretty much my identity is larping any fictional characters I think are cool. Emphasis on fictional characters because I don't think anyone in real life is actually cool, especially blue-pilled normans.

Welcome to the land of no-self.
 

WelcomeToMyDNA

I am who I am and I can be no other
I also tried LARPing. I had everyone fooled into thinking I was this normal dude that wasn't incel and was quite badass. It was all a mask I put on. In person, I never use profanity, but around these chicks I met, I began to use profanity (even though I felt that I sounded weird and my body tried hard to pull the words into my core and never have them uttered), I talked so much (even though most of what I said was random bullshit that made sense to no one -- not even myself), I pretended to have a car, I pretended to be a sexually promiscuous man, I pretended to have "swag", and I pretended to be this total badass that was no incel. My two coworker friends whom I hung out with so much (one which I am infatuated with as you can see in some of my posts) were fooled into thinking I was "normal". I even felt "normal" once I did it enough times. I felt like it was truly the new "me". Hell, maybe it was the new "me" for a bit. But, it worked somewhat, as the chick I am infatuated with liked me a lot (at least my personality she liked...probably still thinks I'm uglier than shit). But, that job where we worked at was SEASONAL! Now I'm all alone and isolated again. Just sitting here looking at the girl's pictures on Instagram wanting so badly to talk to her. At least now that I'm alone I can stop pretending and put the mask away....for now.
 
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