Hi guys. I’m IncelMonk. I was born and raised Catholic. I even have a Godfather. I’ll be 23 this summer and I’m about to graduate college with a degree in theology and philosophy. I’m originally from northern Vermont just a few miles from the Canadian border but going to school in elsewhere.
This is going to be quite the story so please bear with me as I have a lot to get off my chest.
I grew up in a small town of just a few hundred people. I went to a Catholic school 45 miles away. I have had sex with one girl when we were 13 but she is my cousin. Her parents caught us one Saturday night as I was staying over with them while my parents were out on a date. We had been doing it for about 6 weeks pretty often before we got busted. I guess her mom, my aunt, heard us and came downstairs to check out the noise. We heard her footsteps on the rickety staircase and tried to cover up quickly by putting our shirts on and getting under the covers while we quickly pulled up a show on Netflix. What we forgot was that our pants and underwear were in plain sight at the foot of the bed. Her mom pulled the covers back and figured it out.
My parents had to end their date early and pick me up. Our moms gossip pretty frequently about everything and it soon spread around both of our schools. I was bullied, harassed, and even beat up a few times, but the worst part had to be telling this 70 year old priest in confession every detail of everything I did with my cousin.
Before long our entire town knew too. I wasn’t allowed to be alone with her anymore and that just killed me because she was literally my only friend.
Being born into the Catholic faith I'm naturally predisposed to feeling shame about everything except my love for God. I felt so awful about everything that I even tried to kill myself twice before I was 17.
My cousin is literally the only girl I’ve ever done anything with. I’ve never even kissed another girl let alone hold hands with one. These feelings of shame are so intense that I can’t even bring myself to interact with the women in my classes because I’m afraid I’ll be caught again and shamed even more.
I’m about to graduate in a few months and if everything stays on track I’m expected to leave school with Summa Cum Laude honors.
I want nothing more than to be normal. I’m not ugly, obese, or anything like that. I workout, have cool hair (comes with being short), and I’ve had a few girls compliment me on my clothes. I just cannot bring myself to interact with them. I’ve seen a therapist and he wasn’t much help. I’ve been suggested to joining the priesthood by some of the clergy on campus. But getting up in front of a congregation and delivering a sermon isn’t what I want.
I know I’m not like a lot of you guys. I’m not “blackpilled” (whatever that means). But I just don’t know what to do.
I still talk to her on the phone. We text and SnapChat and those same pubescent desires are still there between us. We could get married as Vermont has some very liberal laws regarding that, but we’d have to leave the State due to our family and not every where would recognize our marriage.
So I’m thinking of joining the priesthood as a monk, taking a vow of celibacy (which honestly wouldn’t be too difficult now), and spending the rest of my life meditating, studying religion and philosophy, and maybe even writing some books.
I’m going to FaceTime with her this weekend and see what she thinks as she’s not certain of her own future either and she’s about to graduate from Yale Divinity School in the spring.
What would you do if you were me? Maybe your insights and opinions could be useful in making up my mind.
This is going to be quite the story so please bear with me as I have a lot to get off my chest.
I grew up in a small town of just a few hundred people. I went to a Catholic school 45 miles away. I have had sex with one girl when we were 13 but she is my cousin. Her parents caught us one Saturday night as I was staying over with them while my parents were out on a date. We had been doing it for about 6 weeks pretty often before we got busted. I guess her mom, my aunt, heard us and came downstairs to check out the noise. We heard her footsteps on the rickety staircase and tried to cover up quickly by putting our shirts on and getting under the covers while we quickly pulled up a show on Netflix. What we forgot was that our pants and underwear were in plain sight at the foot of the bed. Her mom pulled the covers back and figured it out.
My parents had to end their date early and pick me up. Our moms gossip pretty frequently about everything and it soon spread around both of our schools. I was bullied, harassed, and even beat up a few times, but the worst part had to be telling this 70 year old priest in confession every detail of everything I did with my cousin.
Before long our entire town knew too. I wasn’t allowed to be alone with her anymore and that just killed me because she was literally my only friend.
Being born into the Catholic faith I'm naturally predisposed to feeling shame about everything except my love for God. I felt so awful about everything that I even tried to kill myself twice before I was 17.
My cousin is literally the only girl I’ve ever done anything with. I’ve never even kissed another girl let alone hold hands with one. These feelings of shame are so intense that I can’t even bring myself to interact with the women in my classes because I’m afraid I’ll be caught again and shamed even more.
I’m about to graduate in a few months and if everything stays on track I’m expected to leave school with Summa Cum Laude honors.
I want nothing more than to be normal. I’m not ugly, obese, or anything like that. I workout, have cool hair (comes with being short), and I’ve had a few girls compliment me on my clothes. I just cannot bring myself to interact with them. I’ve seen a therapist and he wasn’t much help. I’ve been suggested to joining the priesthood by some of the clergy on campus. But getting up in front of a congregation and delivering a sermon isn’t what I want.
I know I’m not like a lot of you guys. I’m not “blackpilled” (whatever that means). But I just don’t know what to do.
I still talk to her on the phone. We text and SnapChat and those same pubescent desires are still there between us. We could get married as Vermont has some very liberal laws regarding that, but we’d have to leave the State due to our family and not every where would recognize our marriage.
So I’m thinking of joining the priesthood as a monk, taking a vow of celibacy (which honestly wouldn’t be too difficult now), and spending the rest of my life meditating, studying religion and philosophy, and maybe even writing some books.
I’m going to FaceTime with her this weekend and see what she thinks as she’s not certain of her own future either and she’s about to graduate from Yale Divinity School in the spring.
What would you do if you were me? Maybe your insights and opinions could be useful in making up my mind.