Writing The Story of a philosopher/incel/wanderer

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Lordgoro

IN THE ZONE
I wonder sometimes if I was the subject of a weird experiment by Christian? To see how unhinged I could get under the influence. How far would it go? What my limits were? Who knows, even he probably doesn't remember now.

I know ever since they both knew me I gave an impression of “properness”, meaning I always tried to keep my dignity, even when confronted by situations that were certainly “undignified”. I will admit, even at that age, I had an almost regal attitude. Maybe that's the trade off for being a prodigy at such a young age? I was always different, and felt special. In many humans, they would like to feel special,and sometimes they claim they actually are, even though they live pretty normal lives. In my case, my attitude was justified, I was unique, and felt it as well, and my entire life has been anything but ordinary. In some ways it's been Hell on Earth, but in others, something extraordinary, as will become clear in this work.
 

Lordgoro

IN THE ZONE
So that night I drank my first beer. I was very unpleasant, but since it wasnt bad enough to instigate my gag reflex, I could keep going. I sat there, listening to the sounds of the park around me, and gulping that obnoxious brown stuff.

I finished mine, and Christian told me to grab yet another. I of course politely asked him, how much of this did he want me to drink? He said half the six-pack was his, and half was mine, so get to work(again, his exact words). He was a full grown man, over 6ft tall, slender, wiry but muscular, and very intimidating. I was a much smaller teenage boy, so I ended up obeying, even though I wasn't overly fond of the idea, and I didn't have a single clue as to what the effect would be.

I cracked the second can myself, and took a gulp at his encouragement. The second can went faster than the first, I guess light inebriation has a way of dulling the tastes. I drank, and gulped, and started to feel slightly dizzy by the bottom of the can. I also had the loudest burps of my young life, they probably heard them a block over. Carbonated alcohol has that effect, although I would have much preferred a six-pack of coke instead. It would have at least tasted good.
 

Lordgoro

IN THE ZONE
As far as soda, root beer is my all time favorite, and alcoholic beer doesn't hold a candle to it. I finished the second can, and it was still nasty tasting, but somehow more tolerable then the first can. By this time I was feeling not just slightly dizzy, but woozy on my feet as well. I sat down again next to Christian, and he handed me the third beer, which he was already on himself. I took a long swig, and felt goosebumps for some reason. In those days, I usually wore corduroy pants, dark t shirts, and sweat jackets with hoods, which was just my preferred clothing style.
It was late summertime in Buffalo, and quite warm, so I wasn't cold. No this was the very first time I was hit by effects of alcohol, and I didn't really like it. However, I was sitting down, and at my friends insistence, I continued on the last can of bad stuff. He had finished his, and merely looked at me while I slowly finished mine, sip by unpleasant sip. I finally finished, full and bloated.
 

Lordgoro

IN THE ZONE
Christian placed all the cans in the plastic bag that came with the purchase, and we sat there for a bit. I still felt dizzy, but not as bad, since I was still off my feet. Physically, I felt no pain from anywhere in my body, no real discomfort, and I felt quite mellow, not a care in the world. I mean I had them, worries and stresses of course,and I was still lovesick over Cee, even though I never revealed it back then, but nothing had really changed. it's almost like they were distant, like a neighbors worries, not really mine. I could watch, and not really care. We sat there, him watching me, and myself just chilling out, feeling slightly queasy by now, but still quite ok. As the old saying went, “so far so good”.

My condition seemed tolerable, and I started feeling almost giddy. Laughing out loud at the strangest or silliest minor internal thoughts. I pretty much couldn't help myself. It was definitely nothing I had ever experienced before, but I was ok with it at this point, so far so good.
 

Lordgoro

IN THE ZONE
Christian slowly stood up, and mentioned it was time to head back. So I tried to get up, using the tree as leverage, and a wave of extreme dizziness hit me. The park spun crazily around me, and I leaned against said tree so as not to fall on my unsteady ass. I leaned there for a few minutes, and finally the dizziness seemed to mainly pass for the moment. I pushed myself off the tree, and Christian held me by the shoulder and asked if I was ok? I said exuberantly, I was just FINE, in an abnormally loud voice.
For the very first time in my young life I was absolutely drunk, on three tall Genesee beers, and didn’t have a worry in the world. I was feeling pretty good, after the dizziness passed.
 

Lordgoro

IN THE ZONE
A couple of notes on drunkenness for future drinkers. First of all, you lose the ability to really care about anything. It's ALL happening to someone other than you. Anything you do, doesn't matter how horrendous, or immoral, it seems alright at the time. The idea of caring has long since left the building, and nothing really matters anymore. Of course, later on it matters again, and is pretty damned important, but while you are under the influence, so to say,you really don't give a crap,period.
So many crimes are committed when drunk, because any and all inhibitions go out the door at a certain point. Are the culprits truly responsible? I don't have a clue, but i'm not a judge. However, a Judge who's never been drunk, should never pass judgement. They are just not qualified, til they’ve been there themselves, and felt the lack of inhibitions themselves. “He who casts the first stone be without sin”, I'm not a proponent of the bible, but many of its principals make sense for our continued existence, as well as our day to day sanity. If more humans took its principals to heart, this planet might be a bit better.
 

Lordgoro

IN THE ZONE
So many crimes are committed when drunk, because any and all inhibitions go out the door at a certain point. Are the culprits truly responsible? I don't have a clue, but i'm not a judge. However, a Judge who's never been drunk, should never pass judgement. They are just not qualified, til they’ve been there themselves, and felt the lack of inhibitions themselves. “He who casts the first stone be without sin”, I'm not a proponent of the bible, but many of its principals make sense for our continued existence, as well as our day to day sanity. If more humans took its principals to heart, this planet might be a bit better.
 

Lordgoro

IN THE ZONE
Not the religion, or the preaching, but the tenets of simple living. Yes, we invented Good and Evil, and therefore morality, however, they seem to work so far for living as humans, in a very human society, so why not adopt them? They generally seem to work, as based on human behavior, minus the dogma.

The other thing about being completely drunk, everything is exaggerated. Every movement you do, every word you say, every laugh you let loose, it's all like a caricature of what you'd normally do. Every gesture you make, every movement of your body is a bit too far, or too strong, and you don't realize it, or you don't really care. Just normal strength to do ordinary tasks seems magnified, and in order to seem normal, everything needs to be toned down, from voice to all body movements.
Also, all dexterity goes out the window, nothing goes right. Might be interesting to see a whole baseball or even basketball team try to play drunk. That would be true entertaining sports, I'd actually pay to see one full game, where both teams are fully drunk off their ass. That would make some great television.
 

Lordgoro

IN THE ZONE
As for my own condition at the time, I didn't really care what I did, or how I acted. Like I was watching someone else, and none of it mattered. I leaned away from the tree, and laughed uncontrollably, to some idiot thought, and Christian just smiled. He held my shoulder, and we slowly walked through the park towards the street. I didn't make it.

I got to a large tree at the edge of the park, hugged myself to it, and suddenly hurled a noxious brown stream, I couldn't help myself, it just erupted from me. I had no warning, until it actually happened. After a minute or two I caught my breath, feeling drained and tired, but still somehow giddy. I felt as though nothing I did mattered one iota, and so therefore could do anything I wanted.
 

Lordgoro

IN THE ZONE
I saw a car near the park, and walked very fast, and just jumped on the hood, laughing insanely, I really didn't give a crap. The car was bouncy, and I wanted to jump as high as I could. I had no compunction about it, and back then car alarms didn't really exist. I did bouncy bouncy on the hood, luckily it was an old beat up car, and I just wanted to jump as high as I could, without a care in the world.
Of course, Christian ran over and demanded I get down. Luckily for me, the owner wasn't anywhere close. After two minutes of insanity, I was finally coaxed down, but as I hit the ground, I had a sudden urge to grab the nearest tree and use all my strength to wrestle it to the ground. I ran at it, gave it a big strong bear hug, laughing like a maniac, and accomplished absolutely nothing. The tree jostled, but it stood defiant, but I certainly tried.
 

Lordgoro

IN THE ZONE
As far as rationality, I was no longer in that realm. Common sense left the building, as well as any reasoning skills. All that remained was giddiness, laughter, and insane impulses, and zero control. After a minute Christian grabbed me from the tree's embrace, and said we should head home. Since I really didn't care about anything at the time, I followed at his side.

Along the way, I ejected another brown foul stream of stuff, just as a matter of course. He stopped, watched, and said nothing. When I finished, we kept walking. I'm certain anyone seeing us must have thought Christian the caretaker of a young mental patient, which, in a way, is the effect of alcohol. It creates artificial insanity, for a time. Mentally, I was in the realm of lunacy. I suppose that's why there are so many alcoholics in the world, escapism and insanity, a powerful combination, and very alluring.
 

Lordgoro

IN THE ZONE
We finally got back to West ave, and up the stairs to my home(I was still really just a guest, nothing more). Patricia saw my condition, and shook her head in consternation. Christian had the same amount of alcohol as myself, yet seemed to retain perfect control somehow. For him, three tall beers was apparently nothing, and so I was the only irrational one, and had to deal with the effects at home. AT one point, being watched by both him and his wife, everything turned orange, and my vision started to spin fast. I was in full drunken mode.
 

Lordgoro

IN THE ZONE
Patricia was not happy, since both her kids were long asleep, and I was pretty much beyond control.
I have vague memories of grabbing a large couch pillow, and wanting more than anything to try squeezing the life and soul out of it! I was determined to see if it could be done. It was completely irrational, but I very much had a need to wrestle with it, and hug as hard as possible, to see if it would succumb and die. Of course, the pillow didn't die, regardless of my efforts, but I did try. I remember hearing an argument between Christian and Patricia about giving me alcohol, and it was quite loud.
Eventually I calmed down, laid on the couch and felt the darkness of blessed sleep overcome me. They both retired to the far back bedroom I imagine, and let me sleep it off. So ended my first experience with alcohol at a very young age. Not positive, but eye opening certainly. I woke the next day very woozy, awkward, and not in a good mood. My first hangover, luckily for me, it was a saturday, and no school, thank goodness.
 

Lordgoro

IN THE ZONE
Chapter 26: Sleepy in School, and Joseph’s Minor Crime

Time went on. At school, I think I was in 6th grade, I'm not exactly sure. I was amazingly tired in school,and couldn't keep my eyes open.
I started finding creative ways if not to fully sleep, at least get a bit of rest in class.
My grades were never much of an achievement, in all my school years, but they really suffered at this point. I could care less about homework, and I usually did ok on actual tests, but as far as actually paying attention in class, I had more important concerns, like closing my eyes without getting busted. Most teachers seem to take sleeping in their classes somewhat offensively. I can't imagine why. It's not an insult to their teaching ability, but tired is tired, and little else seems important when you need sleep.
 
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Lordgoro

IN THE ZONE
More on tiredness in a later chapter. For the moment, I became a master at sleeping, or at least resting in class. I slept on the bus to school(of course I did), and I rested as much as I could sitting at my desk. It greatly helped that I chose a location at the very back of the room, as far from the gaze of teachers that I could ever get. The less I was noticed, the better.
I avoided the teachers looks as much as I could. At this point, I knew my scholastic potential was long over, I was written off long ago, and was merely there because I had zero choice in the matter, and had the day to waste. I was long done, just stick a fork in me, my goose was cooked, and I knew this.
 

Lordgoro

IN THE ZONE
A being who has nothing to lose, doesn't really care about much, if anything, and I showed it. Grades were not my concern, just my comfort, and survival. I never wanted to be in school, and I think teachers and other students knew it. I made my disdain quite known. I hated my young peers, and I was hated in turn. I used every con I could come up with to sleep on a desk.
Dark sunglasses of course, or my face on my hand, a thinker's pose, but covering the eyes. As well as propping books up, whatever I could do to sleep, or rest my eyes closed at least. I gave it my best efforts, and sometimes succeeded, to the chagrin of my teachers. They had A+ students who actually wanted to learn, why should they really concern themselves with me, especially since I didn't want to be there in the first place.
 

Lordgoro

IN THE ZONE
I believe I was in 6th grade at this time. Of course I was still considered the lowest echelon in the class. I had an average of 65, which is a d-. In New York state(at the time) you can be 65 and still pass. Any less than that, and you failed. Of course my grades were never my real concern, just my existence, and my day to day living. During the summer I got a communication from Carol that Joseph was in trouble. I cannot remember if it was a call, or a letter, or word of mouth, but she wanted me to come visit.
I ended up taking a city bus, and she gave me the story. Joseph was locked up in a special place for young offenders,we called it “Juvie”, at least until his court date. He was caught, doing something very stupid, even more so then at other times.
 

Lordgoro

IN THE ZONE
As it turned out, he was browsing in a medium sized pet shop near downtown Cheektowaga,well outside of central Buffalo, looking at exotic pets. He saw a creature he very much wanted to keep, but since poverty was always a constant curse we shared, he couldn't pay for it of course. It was a small snapping turtle, and turned out to be a major miscalculation on his part.
His only other option was a five-finger discount, which he was quite good at under normal conditions. There was a caution sign on the tank, but he paid no heed. I imagine he waited til all employees were otherwise busy, slowly and stealthily opened the tank, and grabbed the turtle by its sides. To this day, I know he didn't think his master plan through, he was never much of a thinker, between us, that was my specialty, although that's not saying a lot.
 

Lordgoro

IN THE ZONE
He successfully maneuvered the turtle into his pocket, and as I discussed in an earlier chapter, he had very deep pockets at the time. From what I learned later he almost made it out the door, got close to the front, with the turtle deeply embedded in his front pocket. At some point before he passed the door the little guy rebelled, and ended up biting him hard in a very sensitive spot at his groin area, and of course, he collapsed in extreme pain, probably quite humorously, and was summarily caught in the act before he left. The turtle was returned to its tank, and Joseph was arrested, and he stewed in the lockup for young teens, until his court date of course.
 

Lordgoro

IN THE ZONE
Bad plan, poor execution,and sorry timing. Caught by the refusal of the turtle to be confined to a tight pocket, I'm sure that made a fun story while Joseph was in confinement.
On the proper date and time both myself and Carol took a bus to the court location, to be there, provide moral support, etc. The Judge seemed almost merciful and granted Joseph a few months probation, due to his youth, and his mother being there. He seemed very relieved, and walked with us leaving the court quite happy to be going home.
Of course, this didn't last long. We got about a mile down the road on our way to the bus stop, when a police vehicle pulled up, and took Joseph into custody for yet another old warrant, about a block before the bus stop. I've never forgotten the look of disappointment on his face, abject misery, and if never seen it’s like in all my years. He was not a happy camper for sure. He was given his freedom to fly, then his wings immediately cut, and viciously. He was driven away in the police car,, and looking back at us the whole time, misery personified.
 
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