Writing The Story of a philosopher/incel/wanderer

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Lordgoro

IN THE ZONE
I learned many things from them. How to change diapers(of course), how to wash mass amounts of sauce stained pots, pans, and dishes, how to keep my mouth shut out of self preservation, and how to get by with minimal sleep on a couch in a well-used living room. I learned what was necessary, but also some other things,quite useful.

Christian worked for a polyurethane manufacturing plant. They made many type of things, from coverings, bricks that could stop bullets, to some parts for the space shuttle. His job was specific, but he knew his factory, and the many things they created. He was proud of his labor, back then, an American could support a family, and feed them, even though “unskilled”. It was possible to actually make a living. He never drove, but had a 10 speed bicycle, and every morning he walked it downstairs,and back upstairs every late afternoon. They weren't rich, or even middle class, but they lived, on just his minimal wages, and were somewhat happy, they paid bills, and never starved, which is what I guess really counted in the scheme of things.

 

Lordgoro

IN THE ZONE
Being a christian couple, I was dragged to church services on multiple occasions, by necessity. They went, therefore I went. It was never up for debate, just a fact of life.I tolerated it, out of necessity, since i was never given a choice. I went to services, didnt sing, never prayed, and just stood or sat there whenever required, because I was never given a choice. As in many things in life, I adapted, out of survival needs, but was never a happy follower, either in religion, or political ideology, just not in my nature to obey, or believe, but I am a survivor, and can blend in when needed.
 

Lordgoro

IN THE ZONE
There's an old saying,”gotta go along to get along”, which is proven true, in many environments, and I have taken this wisdom into my very being over the years. I know how to blend in, and get along, within limits. I do what I have to do, but it does not reflect who I truly am, and does not make me happy, just allows me to survive, that's all. Above all, I believe I was designed to continue, and to witness maybe the End of mankind,possibly in my lifetime, which makes my story even more important. I've seen the full range, the high points of mankind, and the bottom of the barrel as well, and perhaps ill be a final witness, when it all comes to a head, someday..
 

Lordgoro

IN THE ZONE
It wasn't all church, scripture soiled diapers and dirty dishes. Christian was a thinker, to a point, and had many interests, as did I. One afternoon I was walking under trees, and somehow an actual praying mantis dropped and perched on my shoulder. Of course, I didn't have a clue it was there, I stopped into a convenience store, and no one said a word, they just took my cash, and let me go about my business, with a very large insect parked comfortably on my shoulder.
I walked all the way to my shared home, got inside the apartment, and Christian casually mentioned “hey Johnny, there's a giant insect on your shoulder”. I looked over, and there, a very large bright green long bodied insect with black eyes was casually perched, and as my young eyes took it in visually, it turned its predatory shaped head back at me, and took me in as well.
 

Lordgoro

IN THE ZONE
We both looked at each other, I, in a frozen pose and in utter terror, and it was in a complete casual calmness, as if taking in a show. Perusing my face, my eyes met its dark eyes, and before I could leap out of my skin, I felt Christian calming grabbing me, and in a soothing angelic voice, he told me to remain very still, don't move, and stay there.
He quickly jogged to the kitchen, grabbed a Tupperware container, and returned to my terrorized stricken body. I stood there, as a statue, while he carefully coaxed it into the container, and placed the clear top on. I was free to collapse in a cowering pose, which I promptly did. While he quietly observed this monster of an insect, and casually commented “well-done johnny”, while I dropped to the floor almost whimpering, but almost eternally grateful. As I said, Christian was a thinker, and had a calming manner about him. He would have made a great salesman or telemarketer, if he was so inclined, but he wasn't.
 

Lordgoro

IN THE ZONE
After I somewhat recovered from my personal terror, we looked up exactly what this being was. Christian didn't know, and neither did I, and the internet had zero existence in the early 80s, so we turned to the original sources of knowledge, books. We kept this giant insect, used a small aquarium they had in a closet, added a source of water, and plenty of plants for it to perch on, and possibly snack on, and headed to the library, for information on what we were sheltering. We discovered what we had was an actual very large Praying mantis. I suppose it was perched in a tree above me, and found my shoulder more appealing for some reason still unfathomable to me to this day.
 

Lordgoro

IN THE ZONE
We found out in New York state it was kind of an endangered species, and we kept it, and fed it smaller insects and observed it, as a learning experience. What did I learn ultimately? This is a dog-eat-dog world. Power always seems to win, and the underdog rarely comes out ahead, that is reality. Our Mantis ate smaller insects, but was himself locked up, in our power, as the bigger dogs, and as we are locked up, controlled by much bigger dogs than ourselves, being the far richer, and the far more powerful, our government watching over all of us, with the guns and the nukes, and making the laws and guidelines for all of us specimens, in our own respective tanks.
It's all levels of control, in degrees. The religiously inclined have yet another level of superior rules to follow. Not only do they have to render unto Caesar what belongs to Caesar, but also obey an invisible God who demands tribute(10 percent tithe anyone), and an enforced morality, well above the incumbent Government laws.
 
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Lordgoro

IN THE ZONE
However, in Christians, it's a conscious choice,dictated by their beliefs. they will obey, regardless,
Its not guns, not military enforcement that dictates their compliance, but fervent religious faith. God demands always, even though religions were created by mankind as well, for much further then recorded history even goes.
Most of us are all ultimately small dogs, of one kind or another, just as our Praying Mantis was, captured willingly, and living in a small tank, for our amusement, and observance, as are we all, in one way or another. Prisoners to power. Ultimately Capitalism, man’s laws,, or a wrathful God,define where or even who we are in the great scheme of things.. All are equally distasteful, as far as I am concerned personally, but as a young boy, I had yet to realize all this. Eventually ,realization would come, make no mistake.
 
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Lordgoro

IN THE ZONE
At the time, I was still very naive, and yet learning the hierarchy of things. I was somewhat still an innocent, and had much to realize. So we captured the Mantis, and tried to provide, as well as we could. My original point was, Christian was a thoughtful being, which seems quite rare in these times, but in the 80s, was probably more common.

There was a very thoughtful quality about Christian. He married Patricia because he loved her(she was also a HEAVENLY italian cook, that probably helped), but he has a unique quality about him. He designed things, and came up with Unique ideas, and even different ways of doing ordinary things. He seemed fairly open-minded, which I considered a rare quality. So many humans get set in their ways, like concrete, and unchangeable in their views, even when new evidence says otherwise, but he was open, like a vessel without a lid, ideas flowed into and out of him, and im many ways his attitude inspired mine.
 

Lordgoro

IN THE ZONE
To be open, yet wise, to know much, yet able to absorb so much more. Yes, he inspired me, although he was never perfect, but who is? Certainly not me, but I knew my share, even at that young age. Remember ive been reading since around 2 and 3 years old. I was a very unconventional and strange boy(trust me, Im far stranger now).
He taught me many things, how to wash dishes and dry properly, of course, the quickest way to change diapers with the least mess(quite handy), and the fun art of building model rockets, and proper design and landing techniques. Patricia taught me how to deal with women generally, and show meekness to them, for my own survival. To become the submissive one under Authority, even though my very being screamed otherwise. I learned the tender art of Diplomacy, and doing what I must, for my very survival, and keeping my body intact, and avoid maiming by females whenever possible.
 

Lordgoro

IN THE ZONE
Patricia was singular in her wishes, and seemed far more closed-minded, even though her food was almost too good.
Her husband seemed far more forgiving, and much more the diplomat, as most smart males are. They seem far more open to the various possibilities in existence, and Christian was no exception. There were a number of times I made simple mistakes, yet he used diplomacy on his wife to sway her, and calm her down, and make her see reason, and forgiveness for honest mistakes. In fact if it wasn't for his art of diplomacy(which I have taken to heart over the years, and learned quite well) I would not have lasted long on West ave.
 

Lordgoro

IN THE ZONE
Eventually our mantis was set free,as seemed proper, also his wife wasn't happy with such a large insect living in their apartment, even though confined. I cannot imagine how something like a large tarantula would have been welcomed, if such was her reaction to a mere Praying Mantis. However, such natural creatures should always be free, it's their nature after all. Natural creatures should always roam free, although the jury is still out on mankind, in my humble opinion.
Eventually they ended up getting an atari 2600, at my incessant request. Back then, no one had games, and they were like a delicacy, but I was so enamored of the idea(they had great commercials back then). It looked like a lot of fun, so they capitulated, and we got one for the house. Of course, back then they were very fun, but the selection was quite limited. This was light years before the first nintendo, yet fun as hell. Gaming in its original form.
 

Lordgoro

IN THE ZONE
Of course, we had very few games, but I ended up becoming a literal master at one, in my spare time. It was called “Yars Revenge”. Christian played it of course, and Amber tried, and Elaine watched enthralled., but she was far too young to try.

I have a rare memory of once playing for many hours on a single game of Yars Revenge, and getting such a high score, that the game literally flipped, and had a spasm, I was that good at the time. I had an outlet for my unconventional unique mind, beyond my usual outlet of advanced novels, and I fully demonstrated it to the family that was watching. Amber, Elaine, Christian, and Patricia, when she was paying attention from the kitchen, in and out.
 
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Lordgoro

IN THE ZONE
Of course, being the Emperor of bad luck throughout my life, bad luck would always win. A very young Elaine ended up running in front of the TV and atari system, just as the game was flipping due to my high score, and the whole system got reset,since she unplugged a few cords through her young actions, and as usual my very bad luck seemed to win the day yet again.

The whole family was about to go out somewhere anyway, and my achievement was belittled, and shrugged off, “no big deal, let's get ready to go” was the response from Christian.
I was beyond upset, but what could I do? My high score and truly amazing accomplishment was lost forever, in that casual easy statement, to my eternal chagrin. Lost in the eternal abyss of time, which remembers pretty much nothing. Everything we do, see, or accomplish will go unheralded into that great dark void. Lost for all time,unless I'm greatly mistaken on the very nature of our existence. To be honest, I don't have a clue on that matter. On that epic day I flipped the game, with skill, patience, and boundless perseverance, but it's gone forever, only to be recounted here, nowhere else.
 

Lordgoro

IN THE ZONE
Chapter 24: Fishing in Futility
I remember my grandfather Artie(short for Arthur) used to be almost obsessed with fishing, and my Uncle Joseph even had a boat(he was fairly upper middle class, being a corrupt politician, even had a bar in his basement, to show off), and they would often go out on Lake Erie fishing. I was very young, and memories are very cloudy, but they happened. I mentioned my grandfather having a love of fishing to Christian, and he decided one day that we would go to the “foot of ferry” one day, and try my hand at fishing with him.
“Foot of ferry” was a waterfront park, lots of fishermen hung out there, and hung their lines in the water as well. I never fished myself before, so I thought it might be fun. Christian had a fishing pole of his own, and I think he borrowed a friend's pole, so I could try my hand on my own as well, with his guidance of course. Since they didn't own a vehicle(two could not fit on his 10 speed I imagine) we walked there, since it was all on the west side of Buffalo.
 
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Lordgoro

IN THE ZONE
First we stopped at a small bait shop on niagara st, and since ive never been in anything remotely like a bait shop, it seemed fascinating. The whole place smelled like fish, but other scents as well. Earth, insects, and some smells I couldn't quite pin down. The shop was small, dim, but seemed perfect for its purpose. They had lively loud crickets, grasshoppers, tiny fish, worms, and some other things I couldn't even identify. All in all, fascinating to a young boy. I remember being enthralled by all the various life all around me. Like being inside a nature channel.
Christian paid a very low price I remember, for a batch of simple worms, nothing else. Kind of disgusting to look at, wiggling worms, but gourmet cuisine for fish I suppose.
 

Lordgoro

IN THE ZONE
We walked the rest of the way down Niagara st, lots of closed businesses, and the few open were water based, tackle shops, boat sales, a tour place, but mainly closed shops.
Even back then, the City of Buffalo was in a long term decline, probably since long before I ever existed. It's amazing how many places in America are in their Death throes, and they don't even realize it, either economically or socially, take your pick. Many great civilizations have fallen throughout history, some quickly, some slowly, America is more on the slow side, but dying nonetheless, maybe it's for the best.
 

Lordgoro

IN THE ZONE
Eventually we reached Ferry st, and ventured under the bridge to the waterfront side. This bridge actually lifts and separates, to let larger and higher boats through, and there's always a high pitched warning beforehand. I certainly wouldn't want to be walking across this bridge when it lifts to high heaven, not a fun ride I imagine, even if you somehow survive the trip.
We walked across with our poles and bait, and made our way to a halfway empty stone wall with an ancient metal railing where old and grizzled hopeful fellow fishermen stood. Some of them barely ever moved, just stood there, and would have looked perfectly natural on an old wooden fishing boat with a Captain’s cap on.
They might have been statues manning their poles, nothing else. Of course, I was intrigued. The whole area had a fishy smell, and the water below us was dark, deep, and brown, not overly inviting. I was glad I wasn't there for a casual swim! We found a good spot mainly away from the others, pretty empty, which I was told was best, less competition for a limited amount of fish. Christian readied his pole, then guided me, with basic instruction on how to stab the worm, and cast it out. Of course, being a very clumsy boy, somehow, the first worm fell from my hand as I was attempting to hook it. Once it fell, it promptly got lost in the leaves and dirt under our feet. Of course. Christian shrugged, and mentioned “it happens”, and beckoned me to grab another worm to doom to its death. To the worm’s demise, I did exactly that.
 

Lordgoro

IN THE ZONE
I got this hook through the worm, and how it squirmed then, as I would have, if I had a hook thrust through my body, but for now, I was the higher life form, and he wriggled for me instead. I watched Christian cast his line, and as I threw my pole back, in order to cast forward and far, I felt a pull on the line before my forward movement.
I looked back, and saw my line hooked on a bush that was behind me a few feet. I went to unhook it, and noticed my unfortunate worm was no longer hooked, and missing in action. I looked down, and saw only leaves, gravel and dirt. Lucky worm I suppose. I'm sure he was grateful, and thanking whatever Gods worms pray to, that he was wriggling his way back into soft Earth, compliments of my personal ineptness. I quietly wished the worm well.
 

Lordgoro

IN THE ZONE
Christian shrugged, and motioned towards the bait box, so I helped myself to the third unfortunate worm. It seemed a bit bigger, and definitely didn't like having a fishing hook jammed through its squirming body. I can’t blame it. It didn't look fun, nor painless. Better the worm than me I thought. So Christian graciously re-demonstrated the technique of drawing back the pole, in order to cast it further, and get a nice distance to catch a fish, very kind of him to show me yet again.
 
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