The Great LARPer

reg509

Incels.Net Novice
Back in highschool anyone who spent only a minute around me could easily tell that I was depressed and riddled with insecurities. Believe it or not that's no longer the case today. One of the only skills I developed was creating a facade personality, a parody of myself that I LARP as when I'm around people. I've invested so much into playing as this NPC character that I actually have people fooled into thinking that's who I am now. I've made normie acquaintances who would actually call me a "friend" but they don't know anything about the real me.

Since I joined the forum, I've let more of my true self out on here than I have over the past two years IRL. My life truly no longer feels like life, being a shell of a human being feels exactly as empty as it sounds. I've become numb to everything. Even if improving myself were possible I don't have the slightest hope in doing so now because I honestly don't know who I am anymore. Every waking moment of my life is now spent finding mundane things to do to make time go by. No rime or reason to any of it.

Nobody in my personal life knows about any of it though. They think that I'm happy or at least contempt with the way things are. Family members who knew about my highschool depression have now written it off as just one of those "phases" that I've moved past now. They're not completely retarded in coming to that conclusion because that's how I've so perfectly portrayed myself for so long now. My new normoid "friends" would never guess that I'm someone who's tasted the cold metallic barrel of a shotgun, and felt the rope tight around my neck with nothing but a flimsy plastic lawn chair between me and the ground.

I'm going to die by my own hand someday. The only way I won't is if I'm instead killed first by a freak accident. Someday something is going to push me over the edge. I can't say what exactly but I've got a few pretty good guesses. There are very few things left in life that keep me going, and right now it seems as though all the world's governments, rich scumbags, feminists and SJWs are all collectively working together to put each of them to an end. I know the breaking point is coming, and when it does, everyone who thought they knew me will have no earthly idea why I did it. They'll mourn the loss of someone who never truly existed, a facade that lived in the skin of a monster.
 

Lordgoro

MAD as a Hatter!
My philosophy is Death Comes SOON enough on its own... Quite quickly actually, and since Death is eternal, we will have plenty of time to explore it afterwards(if we continue in some form, that is)... No need to hurry it up.. When I came to this realization, I decided to let my life, as crappy as it is, run its course.. and here I am 48 years later, still puttering around.. Did I suffer? Yes.. Did I experience moments without suffering and maybe a modicum of joy? Yes.. Was it worth it so far, Id have to say yes, for now...
 

inunotaisho

Incels.Net Novice
Been exactly the same all my life. I started behaving in such a manner that everybody would like me, be it acting like the clown in the class, butt of the joke and I could get along with everyone regardless of race or creed. An effect this had later in life was that I heard that women suspected I was gay and some of my male friends as well, because I spoke to women in the same manner I spoke to men.
I could never flirt or any of that kind, it just never occurred to me and it always seemed silly. My persona came out of me seeking validation from people in school because of the abuse back home. Also my home situation with two drunken parents molded my personality to become one of no conflict, I grew quite adept at reading the atmosphere around people and understanding in how I could talk people my way to avoid conflict or well even talk people out of belittling me.

Life was crap from the very beginning and I was given nothing to get ahead or even stay level with the others. I had by my late teenage years decided I would probably not amount to anything, nor did I want to. My own ideals early on envisioned me with a family, with sons and more but I grew to hate that idea because of my inferior genes. I've been belittled many times (mostly by women) for my short height to the point I never see it as a joke now.

Now I keep up this charade of someone sane of mind before my friends and family, while in reality I think of suіcіde several times a week, during my worst periods it could be every hour every day. I've acted on those thought and been close many times. Closest I got was when I found myself 4 am in the morning out in the park outside my apartment, rope secured and ready to go. Only way my relatives and friends may know somewhat about my condition is because of the stagnation of my life, while they've all had girlfriends, careers by now I've only worked minimum wage jobs, never had a girlfriend, never kissed or had sex. Nor can I say at this point I'd want any of it either. At times I do, but its at this point now where I very rarely even masturbate. The feeling it leaves is nowhere near as I remember it a long time ago. I find myself instead feeling more satisfaction from more destructive behavior. Alcohol and other intoxications. Poisoning my mind, feeling glee over others misery. Wallowing in all the bad news to find these days. Seeking sadness and depression. If you're disappointed long enough it becomes your natural state of being, but society only cares if you smile, pay your taxes and dont bitch about it.

26 now and I really dont see if would want to make it to 30.
 

Lordgoro

MAD as a Hatter!
inunotaisho said:
Been exactly the same all my life. I started behaving in such a manner that everybody would like me, be it acting like the clown in the class, butt of the joke and I could get along with everyone regardless of race or creed. An effect this had later in life was that I heard that women suspected I was gay and some of my male friends as well, because I spoke to women in the same manner I spoke to men.
I could never flirt or any of that kind, it just never occurred to me and it always seemed silly. My persona came out of me seeking validation from people in school because of the abuse back home. Also my home situation with two drunken parents molded my personality to become one of no conflict, I grew quite adept at reading the atmosphere around people and understanding in how I could talk people my way to avoid conflict or well even talk people out of belittling me.

Life was crap from the very beginning and I was given nothing to get ahead or even stay level with the others. I had by my late teenage years decided I would probably not amount to anything, nor did I want to. My own ideals early on envisioned me with a family, with sons and more but I grew to hate that idea because of my inferior genes. I've been belittled many times (mostly by women) for my short height to the point I never see it as a joke now.

Now I keep up this charade of someone sane of mind before my friends and family, while in reality I think of suіcіde several times a week, during my worst periods it could be every hour every day. I've acted on those thought and been close many times. Closest I got was when I found myself 4 am in the morning out in the park outside my apartment, rope secured and ready to go. Only way my relatives and friends may know somewhat about my condition is because of the stagnation of my life, while they've all had girlfriends, careers by now I've only worked minimum wage jobs, never had a girlfriend, never kissed or had sex. Nor can I say at this point I'd want any of it either. At times I do, but its at this point now where I very rarely even masturbate. The feeling it leaves is nowhere near as I remember it a long time ago. I find myself instead feeling more satisfaction from more destructive behavior. Alcohol and other intoxications. Poisoning my mind, feeling glee over others misery. Wallowing in all the bad news to find these days. Seeking sadness and depression. If you're disappointed long enough it becomes your natural state of being, but society only cares if you smile, pay your taxes and dont bitch about it.

26 now and I really dont see if would want to make it to 30.
Just remember... Monsters arent BORN!! They are CREATED by an UNLOVING SOCIETY!!
 

reg509

Incels.Net Novice
inunotaisho said:
Been exactly the same all my life. I started behaving in such a manner that everybody would like me, be it acting like the clown in the class, butt of the joke and I could get along with everyone regardless of race or creed. An effect this had later in life was that I heard that women suspected I was gay and some of my male friends as well, because I spoke to women in the same manner I spoke to men.
I could never flirt or any of that kind, it just never occurred to me and it always seemed silly. My persona came out of me seeking validation from people in school because of the abuse back home. Also my home situation with two drunken parents molded my personality to become one of no conflict, I grew quite adept at reading the atmosphere around people and understanding in how I could talk people my way to avoid conflict or well even talk people out of belittling me.

Life was crap from the very beginning and I was given nothing to get ahead or even stay level with the others. I had by my late teenage years decided I would probably not amount to anything, nor did I want to. My own ideals early on envisioned me with a family, with sons and more but I grew to hate that idea because of my inferior genes. I've been belittled many times (mostly by women) for my short height to the point I never see it as a joke now.

Now I keep up this charade of someone sane of mind before my friends and family, while in reality I think of suіcіde several times a week, during my worst periods it could be every hour every day. I've acted on those thought and been close many times. Closest I got was when I found myself 4 am in the morning out in the park outside my apartment, rope secured and ready to go. Only way my relatives and friends may know somewhat about my condition is because of the stagnation of my life, while they've all had girlfriends, careers by now I've only worked minimum wage jobs, never had a girlfriend, never kissed or had sex. Nor can I say at this point I'd want any of it either. At times I do, but its at this point now where I very rarely even masturbate. The feeling it leaves is nowhere near as I remember it a long time ago. I find myself instead feeling more satisfaction from more destructive behavior. Alcohol and other intoxications. Poisoning my mind, feeling glee over others misery. Wallowing in all the bad news to find these days. Seeking sadness and depression. If you're disappointed long enough it becomes your natural state of being, but society only cares if you smile, pay your taxes and dont bitch about it.

26 now and I really dont see if would want to make it to 30.
I have a very similar backstory, only mine took place more recently. 2014-2016 was a great timespan to be class clown, when edgy memes were semi-popular with normies. I was open and upfront with other students about my thoughts of suіcіde and violent fantasies about shooting up the school, and I still got laughs from people who thought it was just part of my act. It was surreal and actually brought me some joy at times, but here I am today. 19 and don't see myself making it to 26.
 
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