Not Sure Where to Start (needing experienced advice)

wshiwrachd

Incels.Net Junior
So I just figured out there is an online Community for people with some of the same issues I deal with. First off I'm bi-polar and have anxiety to go along with it as well as some ADD. I have treated this with meds. from the VA. When I was a kid I got picked on a lot in part because I was often smaller, but also because I was a "spaz", or so I was told. I was in the military because I thought that would make a difference. You know putting on the uniform and looking like a hero is supposed to make girls swoon. It didn't work. The other bigger better looking guys got girls and I just got another beer or 6. And I got picked on when I would get drunk when I couldn't get laid. A few times guys bought 12 packs and wrote a girls name on it and gave it to me as a "date". The thing about me is I have always wanted to give everyone the benefit of the doubt and think people are generally good and the "right one will come along". I wanted to have friends and I wanted to respect women because I have a sister and mom. It never worked. I'm in my 40's, no kids, no wife, no gf, two bedroom apartment, job at a game store and I'm not even very good at games. I'll never retire, I've never had health insurance or dental care. And I think I did things right. I mean I'm a veteran. What more does this country and these women want? I try to tell some good stories and show I'm "all American" but no results. Like a lot of guys like me I guess the only women who even talk to me are just not my type. Not attractive and pushy.
So how do I change this.
I want to change my looks but that cost. I know if I had more money everything would be better by default but even working two jobs I can't make enough to make anyone like me. So guys. I need solutions. I don't want to sit and complain because I've done that all my life to no avail. This situation has to change and change soon. Who has cracked this code? Who found the secret? Or at least who knows how to con women into thinking they might want to be with me? That's what it will probably come down to. Conning someone into being with me, but even then; how do I keep the con going so she won't leave when she sees some other better guy.
I've suffered my whole life and it has to stop. Please. If you know tell me.
PS. I know there is a lot of talk against normie advice. I'm not sure when advice is to normal to be effective because I've tried sooooo hard for so long to be normal. I'll probably need guidance on what is appropriate advice in my case.
PSS I have had sex before a few times so I'm not a virgin.
 

Dave

Incels.Net Junior
I understand, because I went through the same kind of childhood and adult bullying and have similar issues as you. It's not an overnight fix, and you might not like to hear some of what I'm saying, but I even if you don't like it, I hope you will think about it from time to time and maybe it will be a catalyst to put you in a direction that will help you change your life. Yes, this works for me. It was the best advice I ever got.
Having more money won't change anything, and you don't want the type of woman who is attracted to your bank balance.
Personal hygiene is important! You don't have to follow the trends or purchase new clothing, go for body bathed and hair neat with clothing clean and unwrinkled.
Don't wish or strive to be someone else. Learn to love yourself for who you are and be yourself. If you don't love you, no one else is going to be able to. Self acceptance brings self-confidence and everyone is drawn to that. Yes, I know all that's trite, but it's true.
When interacting with others, be polite, be yourself, be honest. People sense fakery and it's off putting. Guys with our issues come with extra baggage. Adding BS to the equation will make any friendship / relationship impossible. Be respectful. Don't be desperate or pushy or expect anything. Real relationships take time and a lot of trial and error. You're not entitled to anything, so don't try to make things more than what they are. Enjoy the moment, enjoy the person for who they are, and if it doesn't work out with that one, be nice about it and she might introduce you to her friend who you might get on with better.
If you want to meet people who will someday care about you, go to where the caring people are. Spend some time in volunteer work, (But not SJW types, IMO they seem more motivated by ego and headline grabbing) I'm talking about those who really care about others that regularly and quietly meet up and make a difference -- like habitat for humanity or a food bank or even your local veteran's hospital. Those are just suggestions, so look around, take your time, try some different places and find something that works for you. Volunteer service leads to new friendships, new opportunities for relationships and maybe even a different job.
Remember, change takes of time and effort. There is no short term solution.
A lot of situations and circumstances brought you to where you are today, but where you go from here is on you.
 

ortharzeal

EteRnal Evil.
At 40s it's over unless you can attract a used up hag of your age. If you can, no reason to hang around here now that it "has got easier with age" as "muh wall" copers suggest. If you can't, lay down and relax.
 

Jai

Incels.Net Junior
wshiwrachd said:
So I just figured out there is an online Community for people with some of the same issues I deal with. First off I'm bi-polar and have anxiety to go along with it as well as some ADD. I have treated this with meds. from the VA. When I was a kid I got picked on a lot in part because I was often smaller, but also because I was a "spaz", or so I was told. I was in the military because I thought that would make a difference. You know putting on the uniform and looking like a hero is supposed to make girls swoon. It didn't work. The other bigger better looking guys got girls and I just got another beer or 6. And I got picked on when I would get drunk when I couldn't get laid. A few times guys bought 12 packs and wrote a girls name on it and gave it to me as a "date". The thing about me is I have always wanted to give everyone the benefit of the doubt and think people are generally good and the "right one will come along". I wanted to have friends and I wanted to respect women because I have a sister and mom. It never worked. I'm in my 40's, no kids, no wife, no gf, two bedroom apartment, job at a game store and I'm not even very good at games. I'll never retire, I've never had health insurance or dental care. And I think I did things right. I mean I'm a veteran. What more does this country and these women want? I try to tell some good stories and show I'm "all American" but no results. Like a lot of guys like me I guess the only women who even talk to me are just not my type. Not attractive and pushy.
So how do I change this.
I want to change my looks but that cost. I know if I had more money everything would be better by default but even working two jobs I can't make enough to make anyone like me. So guys. I need solutions. I don't want to sit and complain because I've done that all my life to no avail. This situation has to change and change soon. Who has cracked this code? Who found the secret? Or at least who knows how to con women into thinking they might want to be with me? That's what it will probably come down to. Conning someone into being with me, but even then; how do I keep the con going so she won't leave when she sees some other better guy.
I've suffered my whole life and it has to stop. Please. If you know tell me.
PS. I know there is a lot of talk against normie advice. I'm not sure when advice is to normal to be effective because I've tried sooooo hard for so long to be normal. I'll probably need guidance on what is appropriate advice in my case.
PSS I have had sex before a few times so I'm not a virgin.
You need to be more social
 

Jai

Incels.Net Junior
tremor said:
At 40s it's over unless you can attract a used up hag of your age. If you can, no reason to hang around here now that it "has got easier with age" as "muh wall" copers suggest. If you can't, lay down and relax.
Not true...
 

Zenomobean

Incels.Net Novice
Dave said:
I understand, because I went through the same kind of childhood and adult bullying and have similar issues as you. It's not an overnight fix, and you might not like to hear some of what I'm saying, but I even if you don't like it, I hope you will think about it from time to time and maybe it will be a catalyst to put you in a direction that will help you change your life. Yes, this works for me. It was the best advice I ever got.
Having more money won't change anything, and you don't want the type of woman who is attracted to your bank balance.
Personal hygiene is important! You don't have to follow the trends or purchase new clothing, go for body bathed and hair neat with clothing clean and unwrinkled.
Don't wish or strive to be someone else. Learn to love yourself for who you are and be yourself. If you don't love you, no one else is going to be able to. Self acceptance brings self-confidence and everyone is drawn to that. Yes, I know all that's trite, but it's true.
When interacting with others, be polite, be yourself, be honest. People sense fakery and it's off putting. Guys with our issues come with extra baggage. Adding BS to the equation will make any friendship / relationship impossible. Be respectful. Don't be desperate or pushy or expect anything. Real relationships take time and a lot of trial and error. You're not entitled to anything, so don't try to make things more than what they are. Enjoy the moment, enjoy the person for who they are, and if it doesn't work out with that one, be nice about it and she might introduce you to her friend who you might get on with better.
If you want to meet people who will someday care about you, go to where the caring people are. Spend some time in volunteer work, (But not SJW types, IMO they seem more motivated by ego and headline grabbing) I'm talking about those who really care about others that regularly and quietly meet up and make a difference -- like habitat for humanity or a food bank or even your local veteran's hospital. Those are just suggestions, so look around, take your time, try some different places and find something that works for you. Volunteer service leads to new friendships, new opportunities for relationships and maybe even a different job.
Remember, change takes of time and effort. There is no short term solution.
A lot of situations and circumstances brought you to where you are today, but where you go from here is on you.
This is good advice. Don't try to be who you think people what you to be. You already sound like an interesting person. Good story telling and smelling really nice (just adding on the hygiene bit) are both very attractive traits!
 
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