New, married for over 10 yrs

joe2001

New Member
Hello, just joined after googling “incels.” I’m white, very introverted, socially awkward around girls (especially ones im attracted to), first kissed when i was 19. Not a virgin now but haven’t had sex for over a yr. Ive had sex a few dozen times in over 10 yrs of marriage.

I’m just not attracted to her and really slept with her only to give her a baby and shut her up. Couldn’t afford to live on my own. Have 2 children. This past yr ive for once considered cheating b/c i’d like to think im okay looking, am smart, etc. Met this married woman at work who led me on for a while, then finally she just stopped showing interest. I guess i wasn’t worth the risk. It really pissed me off. Not sure where to go in my life from here. I’n attracted to so many woman other than my wife. It seems only major fat ones and gay guys have tried to flirt with me.

I have hobbies, and i’d like to think life is hardly about sex. I have morals too, but a crap marriage of ten yrs doesn’t mean i have to be unhappy romantically, sexually etc. The romance part i miss the most.
 

joe2001

New Member
explain why im not. I am involuntary celibate, plain and simple. I would like to sleep with other chicks but cant for reasons out of my control. If that isn’t an incel, then what is?
 

lordoftheincels

Well-Known Member
Staff Member
Lounge member
Semicel.

I was a semicel in high-school, an incel because I was brainwashed by society to feel shame at wanting a girlfriend. I had opportunities to get laid but missed them.

Now I am just an incel, I lost my teenage looks and charm and have next to nothing.

I define incel as an overwhelming paranoia that you will die without ever getting a decent relationship. I say "decent relationship". Because saving up money and buying a hooker does not count as "escaping incel". Nor does dating some girl who's never around and never puts out. Noone can actually prove what the future holds, for all you know you could get lucky. But if you have an overwhelming paranoia about it then you are incel.
 

tremor

Well-Known Member
Staff Member
Lounge member
lordoftheincels said:
I define incel as an overwhelming paranoia that you will die without ever getting a decent relationship. I say "decent relationship". Because saving up money and buying a hooker does not count as "escaping incel". Nor does dating some girl who's never around and never puts out. Noone can actually prove what the future holds, for all you know you could get lucky. But if you have an overwhelming paranoia about it then you are incel.
Now here's a good definition IMO in terms of describing what we incels want and can't get. Problem is the paranoia part implies that "it's all in your head br0", "just work on your personality br0", "why would a girl date such a self deprecating person teehee".

Maybe it should be more like effective incapability to build up mutually commited romantic relationship due to being seen as unfit by females on the basis of their uncontrolled instincts.

I have failed to formulate it in a grammatically correct and readable way, but something like that includes the main aspects of the problem. Final version should be less intricate, but I doubt I can come up with a simple and short definition.

Effective incapability means that even though an incel might find a girl who wouldn't reject him, it would require insane amount of effort and unbearable dating down lookswise, wealthwise, statuswise and so on.
Mutually commited romantic relationship is what you're calling decent relationship. I think it's intuitively clear.
Being seen as unfit by females is not hard to interpret too.

Correctness of this definition is debatable, of course. It's far too liberal as it basically makes all beta providers and basically almost all sub-Chads incels. What's more, there's still only a vague idea of why women decide one is unworthy, but reasons do vary. Being good looking is always enough to get a GF, but a sub-Chad can actually succeed too on rare occasions.
Anyway, I believe we're heading the right way in defining what incel actually is in real life, all theoretizations aside.
 

lordoftheincels

Well-Known Member
Staff Member
Lounge member
tremor said:
lordoftheincels said:
I define incel as an overwhelming paranoia that you will die without ever getting a decent relationship. I say "decent relationship". Because saving up money and buying a hooker does not count as "escaping incel". Nor does dating some girl who's never around and never puts out. Noone can actually prove what the future holds, for all you know you could get lucky. But if you have an overwhelming paranoia about it then you are incel.
Now here's a good definition IMO in terms of describing what we incels want and can't get. Problem is the paranoia part implies that "it's all in your head br0", "just work on your personality br0", "why would a girl date such a self deprecating person teehee".

Maybe it should be more like effective incapability to build up mutually commited romantic relationship due to being seen as unfit by females on the basis of their uncontrolled instincts.

I have failed to formulate it in a grammatically correct and readable way, but something like that includes the main aspects of the problem. Final version should be less intricate, but I doubt I can come up with a simple and short definition.

Effective incapability means that even though an incel might find a girl who wouldn't reject him, it would require insane amount of effort and unbearable dating down lookswise, wealthwise, statuswise and so on.
Mutually commited romantic relationship is what you're calling decent relationship. I think it's intuitively clear.
Being seen as unfit by females is not hard to interpret too.

Correctness of this definition is debatable, of course. It's far too liberal as it basically makes all beta providers and basically almost all sub-Chads incels. What's more, there's still only a vague idea of why women decide one is unworthy, but reasons do vary. Being good looking is always enough to get a GF, but a sub-Chad can actually succeed too on rare occasions.
Anyway, I believe we're heading the right way in defining what incel actually is in real life, all theoretizations aside.
Correct. And there will always be the naysayers and bullies who try to victim-blame incels and twist definitions around.

I think what it boils down to is most women are narcissists. Like no matter what they do they can never be wrong, view themselves as holy beings of love. No matter how much they disrespect you or mistreat you they advertise themselves as holy, and you, their victim, as toxic. It's something called "cagerage". For instance an abusive woman dates someone and gives them a shitty relationship. Said victim of a shitty relationship snaps and throws a public tantrum of rage. Narcissist will victim-blame and say "Look! See what I had to deal with all this time?" Narcissist will call the cage-rager toxic, and the narcissist is always portraying themselves as the innocent being of love. Narcissists try to prove they are nice simply because they do not rage. Trying to ban and shame rage in order to control their victims.

Since we are dealing with narcissists there is no easy explanation to explain female dating behavoir or one-size-fits all explanation. Because the behavoir of a narcissist is crazy-making, nothing they do is fair or consistent. You think you follow the rules but then they will just flip the rules upside down. It is like trying to navigate a maze.
 

joe2001

New Member
thanks for the replies everyone. Lordoftheincels- i totally agree with your last post. I always want to tape record my wife because she denies ever saying things, and she uses my weaker memory (allegedly, since she’s the only one that says I suffer from this) against me in these situations. On top of this, she never ever says sorry. One last thing to mention: she has no real, passionate hobbies besides shopping, and doing things with kids. I read a lot, nonfiction stuff like philosophy, politics, etc. I collect coins passionately, etc. When i ask women at work what they do, they usually have nothing to say other than TV, shopping, etc. What I’m gettinng at is women in general are pretty shallow in the intellectual department. My wife is educated, talented enough to succeed at work, but she is pretty shallow outside work. Of course there are exceptions like the philospher Hana Arent, Judith Butler, etc, but like i said women in general are quite boring once you get over the lust stage.
 

lordoftheincels

Well-Known Member
Staff Member
Lounge member
joe2001 said:
thanks for the replies everyone. Lordoftheincels- i totally agree with your last post. I always want to tape record my wife because she denies ever saying things, and she uses my weaker memory (allegedly, since she’s the only one that says I suffer from this) against me in these situations. On top of this, she never ever says sorry. One last thing to mention: she has no real, passionate hobbies besides shopping, and doing things with kids. I read a lot, nonfiction stuff like philosophy, politics, etc. I collect coins passionately, etc. When i ask women at work what they do, they usually have nothing to say other than TV, shopping, etc. What I’m gettinng at is women in general are pretty shallow in the intellectual department. My wife is educated, talented enough to succeed at work, but she is pretty shallow outside work. Of course there are exceptions like the philospher Hana Arent, Judith Butler, etc, but like i said women in general are quite boring once you get over the lust stage.
She sounds like a typical narcissistic shallow modern female. Double standard...women can be boring, cold, and serious and put zero effort into a relationship, yet males are always expected to be entertaining and funny and save it. Women can manipulate males and noone cares, but if a male manipulates a woman he's called evil. I've met some women who were not like that, but as always the good ones are in high demand and always taken. Most women do nothing to save the relationship then whine about men on social media. Then the other women, who actually want to contribute to the relationship...these women always seem to go for emotionally unavailable men...and these women put in so much effort into the relationship and get nothing for it...then they go and whine about it online. Meaning... nice guys are usually ignored and rejected by the nice women. And then nice guys get paired with emotionally unavailable women who don't care about them. The whole dating system is backwards and this whole "opposites attract" meme is just modern lies to make it even worse.
 
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