frecklearms72
Member
Hi everyone. As you can tell that is a throwaway account bc I am very embarrassed about what I'm gonna talk about in this post and I don't want this to be related to any of my other accounts on here.
To start things off I am in my mid 40's and live in southern Colorado. I am a virgin, but not by choice. I want to have a relationship with a woman that I find attractive but I do find myself getting real shy around beautiful women.
As far as my background on my life. I have suffered from several severe mental problems (I have manic bi-polar disorder, depression, schizophrenia, torettes, obsessive compulsive disorder and recently diagnosed with post traumatic stress disorder) as well as attention deficit disorder and I do suffer from short term memory loss. The reasons why for me having most of these mental disorders is from the both physical and mental abuse I took from both my father and from boys and girls for the entire time that I was in school. Because of my learning problems, I am on disability and food stamps. I also have to live with my mom because of me never able to keep a job long enough to save up any money to get my own place and also that I'm not sure if I could take care of myself if I ever did live alone.
I have never been on a date. I have never been able to kiss a woman in a sexual or loving way. I was always considered a nerd during the time I was in school.
I wanted to post this part to show people that read this what kind of life I had to go through in school as far as being with girls. One time when I was 13 (8th grade) there was this Hispanic girl that I thought was cute, not sexy or hot looking, but cute. One night she calls me and says that she wants to go out on a date with me. I was pretty excited. So we set up a place to meet. I waited there for her for over two hours and she never showed up. Then the next day she decides to humiliate me future by do a fake cry wondering why I wasn't there to meet her. In the background I could hear several girls laughing at what the girl was saying to me.
What's worse is that I'm starting to lose my hair. And I don't really believe that any woman would come up to me and want to talk because with my scitzophrenia, I talk to an imaginary voice inside my head out loud. Not to where people can hear what I say, but they can see my lips moving and I am always making hand gestures. I have no control at all to stop it. And my shrink believes that my case is not that bad. I am thinking of getting a second opinion, but I think they will say the same thing.
For the past several years I have pretty much given up on ever having a relationship with a woman or even having sex.
To start things off I am in my mid 40's and live in southern Colorado. I am a virgin, but not by choice. I want to have a relationship with a woman that I find attractive but I do find myself getting real shy around beautiful women.
As far as my background on my life. I have suffered from several severe mental problems (I have manic bi-polar disorder, depression, schizophrenia, torettes, obsessive compulsive disorder and recently diagnosed with post traumatic stress disorder) as well as attention deficit disorder and I do suffer from short term memory loss. The reasons why for me having most of these mental disorders is from the both physical and mental abuse I took from both my father and from boys and girls for the entire time that I was in school. Because of my learning problems, I am on disability and food stamps. I also have to live with my mom because of me never able to keep a job long enough to save up any money to get my own place and also that I'm not sure if I could take care of myself if I ever did live alone.
I have never been on a date. I have never been able to kiss a woman in a sexual or loving way. I was always considered a nerd during the time I was in school.
I wanted to post this part to show people that read this what kind of life I had to go through in school as far as being with girls. One time when I was 13 (8th grade) there was this Hispanic girl that I thought was cute, not sexy or hot looking, but cute. One night she calls me and says that she wants to go out on a date with me. I was pretty excited. So we set up a place to meet. I waited there for her for over two hours and she never showed up. Then the next day she decides to humiliate me future by do a fake cry wondering why I wasn't there to meet her. In the background I could hear several girls laughing at what the girl was saying to me.
What's worse is that I'm starting to lose my hair. And I don't really believe that any woman would come up to me and want to talk because with my scitzophrenia, I talk to an imaginary voice inside my head out loud. Not to where people can hear what I say, but they can see my lips moving and I am always making hand gestures. I have no control at all to stop it. And my shrink believes that my case is not that bad. I am thinking of getting a second opinion, but I think they will say the same thing.
For the past several years I have pretty much given up on ever having a relationship with a woman or even having sex.
