How I became an incel and my struggles to escape

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Coop

Incels.Net Junior
Hello guys. I want to tell you a little about myself and then give my life story to show you what I went through because I feel like many of us have experienced similar things. Early in my life I was abused by my dad which caused my self esteem to drop. Since I had no confidence it was hard for me to make friends and I had no confidence to talk to women. I had a series of 4 or so girls I dated from 5th grade to high school and none of them lasted more than a week. Understandably I felt like there was something wrong with me. Today I am still hurt but I am better than I was. I will share my story now. Tell me if you can relate to anything.

I got to the point that when me and my dad was hunting I thought about murdering him at around first grade. My brother confessed to me that he had the same thought at a different time when they were alone hunting. I had many thoughts of violence throughout my life because I had no idea how to handle the pain that I was going through but thankfully never acted on any of it.

1. Since as early as I can remember I was yelled at a lot. There was no way for me to defend myself. He was the parent. I was weak compared to him and It led me to become very emotionally unstable.
2. He lived a very strict kind of parenting. He expected the entire house to be cleaned but refused to do any of the cleaning himself. If he found the tiniest bit of dirt on a baseboard he would yell and make us do it again. I worked for $1 an hour. It was absolute hell.
3. Because of the issues developed from my dad I had very low self esteem in my elementary through high school years. I always felt like I didn’t fit in and I had little friends.
4. As a coping mechanism I bullied my younger brother. I would not hurt him. I would just annoy him enough to make him angry.
5. My dad got tired of me instigating my younger brother so he decided the best option to deal with it was to have both of us fight in the backyard. He did not say any rules. He just told us to fight. I felt that it was wrong for me to hurt my brother because he was weaker and it was not a fair fight so I just pinned him to the ground. He spat on me and I spat back but I didn’t throw any punches.
6. While me and my brother were getting yelled at by my father he gave my sister special treatment. He was always nice to her and treated her like his baby girl. Now she hates him and will not even talk to him or return his texts and I don’t know why that is. I want to ask her but I don’t know if she trusts me enough.
7. I was at a point where I was seriously considering going to my first grade teacher and tell her about the abuse both emotionally and the physical spankings but when I told my mom what I wanted to do she did not support me and she told me to not tell my teacher. I had no one to stand up for me in the house and I was the oldest child so I had no one older for guidance.
8. Because of this I rarely did anything besides staying home and watching videos / playing games.
9. Once I got to middle school things started getting worse. My mom developed bipolar disorder and I witnessed her changing and then next thing I know I come home from school and she is in a psychotic ward.
10. My dad took us in for several weeks. Probably a month and he explained my moms history of mental illness that I knew nothing about until then.
11. This was really hard because I had literally no contact with my mom for a long time and I had no idea how much longer it would take.
12. Eventually she got better and life returned to normal. Then about a year passed and she had another bipolar episode because she stopped taking her bipolar medicine.
13. She refused to go to the hospital and was acting very different from her usual self. This scared me so much and caused me so much emotional stress.
14. Her and my father got into a lot of fights and she kicked him out of the house. I was unable to see my father for several weeks until he could get a rental.
15. During that time I had to live full time with my delusional mom. She was in a manic episode so she was getting very little sleep yet she was extremely active. She never stopped.
16. My only contact with my dad was through Facebook.
17. She would talk a mile a minute and one day she picked me up from school and told me and my siblings to sit in the car while she talked to an assistant principal because she worked for the school. She talked at least 30 minutes to an hour with no regard for us sitting in the car so we made a lot of noise and honked the horn to make her come back and drive us home.
18. This along with her working under her manic episode caused her to get fired from her job.
19. Around this point I started moving in with my dad and switching with my mom every week. I had to live in two places and that was hard. Since they have separated I could probably count on my hands the number of times we have done something together with the entire family.
20. During the manic episode I experienced a lot of struggle because I was the oldest and therefore the most affected by stress. I had to deal with situations that the others did not have to.
21. Eventually they got divorced and lived separately.
22. During this time I became an agnostic. I spent a lot of time researching religion and I came to the conclusion that I didn’t believe it. It took about 5 months of searching. It was very hard for me to come out to my parents. I told my dad first and he was understanding and then I told my mom and she freaked out. She cried and it hurt me to see that.
23. The whole divorce destroyed myself. I became extremely depressed. I constantly thought about suіcіde and I became very disturbed. I would watch videos of people dying and I knew the most effective methods of suіcіde. I told myself that I would never do it but I was prepared with a plan. I would make a shrine dedicated to my life. Play my favorite music and shoot myself with a shotgun at a 45* angle into my mouth.
24. It got so bad that junior year I requested to see a councilor for my depression. This offered me a person that I could speak to about my struggles and even though it hurt to tell these things it made me think of them in different ways and it helped my dad understand how to be a better person.
25. I went to 6 to 8 months of individual counseling and I was prescribed an antidepressant. This anti-depressant took 2 weeks to kick in and on that second week I had an allergic reaction to it. I was hospitalized after experiencing full body tremors and finally stabilized after 1.5 to 2 hours of it starting. It was extremely scary and traumatic. I was prescribed a different kind of antidepressant but secretly I flushed the pills because there is no way I was gonna experience that again.
26. Towards the end of the counseling my dad attended some sessions to fix our relationship. He learned how to handle his anger. He tried hard and improved and I forgave him.
27. Unfortunately my councilor had to move away. I was mostly cured of my depression but I still had a lot of work to do.
28. I turned to drugs starting about 6 months after counseling ended. I did a lot of psychedelics and smoked weed a lot. I did very weird drugs and I would get into very deep mental states. Honestly for a time I was very delusional because of the drugs I did but the psychedelics helped a little with my depression.
29. During this time of my life I took a lot of risks. I sold weed at school for basically no profit which was super risky. I was almost caught by the police a few times for smoking weed and even talked to them once while high. I drove extremely high several times once even to the point of hallucinating. I got kicked out of a house when I was tripping on acid and forced to call a friend to pick me up. I drove a friend to a house to buy weed and he was robbed at gunpoint. I had a shotgun pulled on me once. That was super scary. I went to an academic challenge match super stoned and my answers were laughed at for being stupid. I got my car stuck in a ditch because I tried to turn into an abandoned house without my lights on to avoid being seen. I got caught ordering acid to my house from the dark web by my parents. I sold vapes to freshmen. I tried a drug that was dmt without even having it tested. I extracted my own drugs. I smoked weed in the woods right next to my work. I smoked weed with a police officers daughter and almost got caught by a police spotlight that spotted my car in the field. All this and more in less than 6 months.
30. My drug of choice was weed and salvia. Salvia is the strongest naturally occurring psychedelic. I did it probably 20 times. I gave so little care about myself but I was not sad.
31. I had transitioned from wanting to kill myself to just not caring that much about my life.
32. My dad got fired from his job so he had a stressful 6 months trying to find a new one.
33. Right before I left for college my dad gave me heartbreaking news. He told me that he developed a tumor in his brain, lesions throughout the brain and he has MS. This was a total shock to the world I know because I was leaving for university in only a month and I got the news my dad has terrible health problems. Thankfully he did not have a cancerous tumor but it still hurts so much to see family go through that.
34. Even worse my sister refused contact with my dad. She will not talk to him or see him or return any texts.
35. Around this time I started college and I went absolutely wild. I went to 10 parties in the first 2 weeks of college. I kissed so many girls. I had sex in the woods with a girl I met at a party. I ended up having a fwb with her for about a month. I got insanely fucked up all the time.
36. Once I joined a fraternity I wanted to get fucked up all the time during my pledging process. I drank to get blackout every time I drank.
37. Eventually I realized my life is way too wild and I had to calm down so second semester I took it very lightly and I stopped smoking weed and kept that streak until 4/20 for the special occasion.
38. I had also started dating this girl. She was my first real girlfriend but I was afraid to open up about these things. Because of this I kept conversations on a very shallow level. This led to the downfall of the relationship.
39. This is what I felt comfortable writing down but there is more things. Mostly things I feel guilt about.



In conclusion therapy helped me a lot because I was able to talk to someone that was able to be my support group. Being able to talk about your emotions with a trained professional helps to become more confident. I learned that it wasn’t anything about me. It was that I had distanced myself from everyone in my life. I had a bad self esteem. I worked through that and I am doing better. My life is not perfect but at least I’m trying and that’s all I can do. I hope this helped you guys. I’ll be reading comments.
 

lordoftheincels

Incels.Net Master
This story seems to be, how being totally drunk and unhealthy, somehow attracts women.

Its natural that you didn't open up to women. Women are judgey assholes who view it as beta if you talk about your problems to them.
 

Lordgoro

MAD as a Hatter!
Sorry, he may have ISSUES, but this guy is NOT an INCEL, guaranteed!! I stopped reading at the college parties, kissing and getting laid part... NOT INCEL!!
 

Coop

Incels.Net Junior
Lordgoro said:
Sorry, he may have ISSUES, but this guy is NOT an INCEL, guaranteed!! I stopped reading at the college parties, kissing and getting laid part... NOT INCEL!!
I saw myself as incel when I was in high school. Then I went to therapy and turned my life around by changing my mindset
 

Coop

Incels.Net Junior
lordoftheincels said:
This story seems to be, how being totally drunk and unhealthy, somehow attracts women.

Its natural that you didn't open up to women. Women are judgey assholes who view it as beta if you talk about your problems to them.
Yes college parties are a way to meet women but it’s not the same because both parties are intoxicated. There is no way a relationship is going to develop from a college party like that and I think the real goal is not sex it is relationships.
 

Coop

Incels.Net Junior
lordoftheincels said:
This story seems to be, how being totally drunk and unhealthy, somehow attracts women.

Its natural that you didn't open up to women. Women are judgey assholes who view it as beta if you talk about your problems to them.
For a long time I thought that there was something wrong with me. Maybe it was my acne so I got acne medicine. Maybe it was that I was borderline annorexic so I went to the gym. Maybe it was because I was emotionally unstable so I went to the therapist.

I think it’s important for you guys to go see the therapist because this forum is not doing anything good for you guys. Is the plan to be an incel for life or are you willing to change the mindset around the whole thing.

It’s important to have a support network to talk through problems with. This forum is your support network. Most normal people will either have friends that they trust which I didn’t have or family that they trust which I again didn’t have.

That leaves two options: an online forum that reinforces the beliefs that have caused you to believe that there is something wrong with your body that has caused all these problems or you can address the issue head on by going to therapy and talking about the things that have caused you to feel that way like self esteem issues and from there you can dig into the underlying cause of these issues.

I had low expectations going in but honestly it was life changing.
 

Lordgoro

MAD as a Hatter!
Coop said:
Lordgoro said:
Sorry, he may have ISSUES, but this guy is NOT an INCEL, guaranteed!! I stopped reading at the college parties, kissing and getting laid part... NOT INCEL!!
I saw myself as incel when I was in high school. Then I went to therapy and turned my life around by changing my mindset
Your IMPLYING that being INCEL is a MINDSET, but if you were TRULY incel in the first place, theres NO WAY you would have been able to "turn it around" as you say... You were NEVER incel, you just thought you were.. But if women find you attractive enough to "turn it around", you never really WERE!!! If you were an ACTUAL real incel, no amount of therapy would have helped you!! Its about LOOKS mainly.. also theres some type of psychic vibe that women sense where they are instinctually repelled by you, or maybe its a scent... But its NOT your mindset... You were a Volcel in the first place, and since women now seem to be into you, you were NEVER a real incel, sorry Bub
 

lordoftheincels

Incels.Net Master
Coop said:
lordoftheincels said:
This story seems to be, how being totally drunk and unhealthy, somehow attracts women.

Its natural that you didn't open up to women. Women are judgey assholes who view it as beta if you talk about your problems to them.
For a long time I thought that there was something wrong with me. Maybe it was my acne so I got acne medicine. Maybe it was that I was borderline annorexic so I went to the gym. Maybe it was because I was emotionally unstable so I went to the therapist.

I think it’s important for you guys to go see the therapist because this forum is not doing anything good for you guys. Is the plan to be an incel for life or are you willing to change the mindset around the whole thing.

It’s important to have a support network to talk through problems with. This forum is your support network. Most normal people will either have friends that they trust which I didn’t have or family that they trust which I again didn’t have.

That leaves two options: an online forum that reinforces the beliefs that have caused you to believe that there is something wrong with your body that has caused all these problems or you can address the issue head on by going to therapy and talking about the things that have caused you to feel that way like self esteem issues and from there you can dig into the underlying cause of these issues.

I had low expectations going in but honestly it was life changing.
The underlying cause is that 99% of females are narcissists. Of course, they will never address it in a gynocentric society like therapy clinics.
 

Coop

Incels.Net Junior
Lordgoro said:
Coop said:
Lordgoro said:
Sorry, he may have ISSUES, but this guy is NOT an INCEL, guaranteed!! I stopped reading at the college parties, kissing and getting laid part... NOT INCEL!!
I saw myself as incel when I was in high school. Then I went to therapy and turned my life around by changing my mindset
Your IMPLYING that being INCEL is a MINDSET, but if you were TRULY incel in the first place, theres NO WAY you would have been able to "turn it around" as you say... You were NEVER incel, you just thought you were.. But if women find you attractive enough to "turn it around", you never really WERE!!! If you were an ACTUAL real incel, no amount of therapy would have helped you!! Its about LOOKS mainly.. also theres some type of psychic vibe that women sense where they are instinctually repelled by you, or maybe its a scent... But its NOT your mindset... You were a Volcel in the first place, and since women now seem to be into you, you were NEVER a real incel, sorry Bub
With all due respect, how do you know therapy will not help to change the way you think to the degree that it can help attract women? I have found that women are attracted by confidence and personalities. I know some good looking guys that can’t get girls because they give off an unconfident mood. I also know some fat unattractive guys with some average to good looking girls because they have a attractive personality.

Self confidence and a high self esteem is just as if not more important with looks because if you have that you can get a girl. Looks are a secondary trait that does make life easier but it is overrated on these forums.

It all has to start with a change of mindset. How are you going to get a relationship if you truly believe that it’s impossible for you to have sex. Talk to a therapist. They are paid to understand your struggles and help you to work through them. One of the most lifechanging things I have ever done.
 

lordoftheincels

Incels.Net Master
Coop said:
Lordgoro said:
Coop said:
I saw myself as incel when I was in high school. Then I went to therapy and turned my life around by changing my mindset
Your IMPLYING that being INCEL is a MINDSET, but if you were TRULY incel in the first place, theres NO WAY you would have been able to "turn it around" as you say... You were NEVER incel, you just thought you were.. But if women find you attractive enough to "turn it around", you never really WERE!!! If you were an ACTUAL real incel, no amount of therapy would have helped you!! Its about LOOKS mainly.. also theres some type of psychic vibe that women sense where they are instinctually repelled by you, or maybe its a scent... But its NOT your mindset... You were a Volcel in the first place, and since women now seem to be into you, you were NEVER a real incel, sorry Bub
With all due respect, how do you know therapy will not help to change the way you think to the degree that it can help attract women? I have found that women are attracted by confidence and personalities. I know some good looking guys that can’t get girls because they give off an unconfident mood. I also know some fat unattractive guys with some average to good looking girls because they have a attractive personality.

Self confidence and a high self esteem is just as if not more important with looks because if you have that you can get a girl. Looks are a secondary trait that does make life easier but it is overrated on these forums.

It all has to start with a change of mindset. How are you going to get a relationship if you truly believe that it’s impossible for you to have sex. Talk to a therapist. They are paid to understand your struggles and help you to work through them. One of the most lifechanging things I have ever done.
I was in therapy my whole life.

If you haven't noticed, the whole world is going to shit. WE are not the crazy ones.
 

Lordgoro

MAD as a Hatter!
I cant IMAGINE someone with a higher self-esteem then myself, also im VERY confident in who and WHAT I am, and yet ive been an INCEL for 48 years! You can be DAMNED sure I know about inceldom.. And if therapy is ALL it took to make you a success with women, then you were NEVER an INCEL at all.. TRUST me I know my shit.. Ask any other member of this board about me, and youll see..
 

Coop

Incels.Net Junior
lordoftheincels said:
Coop said:
lordoftheincels said:
This story seems to be, how being totally drunk and unhealthy, somehow attracts women.

Its natural that you didn't open up to women. Women are judgey assholes who view it as beta if you talk about your problems to them.
For a long time I thought that there was something wrong with me. Maybe it was my acne so I got acne medicine. Maybe it was that I was borderline annorexic so I went to the gym. Maybe it was because I was emotionally unstable so I went to the therapist.

I think it’s important for you guys to go see the therapist because this forum is not doing anything good for you guys. Is the plan to be an incel for life or are you willing to change the mindset around the whole thing.

It’s important to have a support network to talk through problems with. This forum is your support network. Most normal people will either have friends that they trust which I didn’t have or family that they trust which I again didn’t have.

That leaves two options: an online forum that reinforces the beliefs that have caused you to believe that there is something wrong with your body that has caused all these problems or you can address the issue head on by going to therapy and talking about the things that have caused you to feel that way like self esteem issues and from there you can dig into the underlying cause of these issues.

I had low expectations going in but honestly it was life changing.
The underlying cause is that 99% of females are narcissists. Of course, they will never address it in a gynocentric society like therapy clinics.
If you look at the statistics there is not as many narcissists than that. Yes the world has a lot of them but it’s possible to avoid those people and live a happy life.

Yes of corse women have preferences in looks and social status. Don’t you? Would you rather date a fat girl with no college degree, a girl that’s average looks but emotionally unstable that blames men for all the problems that she faces or would you date a girl that goes to the gym, is interesting to talk to and is working towards going to college? I think it’s obvious that you have preferences as well. This doesn’t make women any different than men in that regard.
 

Lordgoro

MAD as a Hatter!
Why are you even ON this board bub? You are NOT an incel, and never were... And your advice will actual DAMAGE my fellow incels by making them believe they are in fact, mentally sick!!
 

Coop

Incels.Net Junior
lordoftheincels said:
Coop said:
Lordgoro said:
Your IMPLYING that being INCEL is a MINDSET, but if you were TRULY incel in the first place, theres NO WAY you would have been able to "turn it around" as you say... You were NEVER incel, you just thought you were.. But if women find you attractive enough to "turn it around", you never really WERE!!! If you were an ACTUAL real incel, no amount of therapy would have helped you!! Its about LOOKS mainly.. also theres some type of psychic vibe that women sense where they are instinctually repelled by you, or maybe its a scent... But its NOT your mindset... You were a Volcel in the first place, and since women now seem to be into you, you were NEVER a real incel, sorry Bub
With all due respect, how do you know therapy will not help to change the way you think to the degree that it can help attract women? I have found that women are attracted by confidence and personalities. I know some good looking guys that can’t get girls because they give off an unconfident mood. I also know some fat unattractive guys with some average to good looking girls because they have a attractive personality.

Self confidence and a high self esteem is just as if not more important with looks because if you have that you can get a girl. Looks are a secondary trait that does make life easier but it is overrated on these forums.

It all has to start with a change of mindset. How are you going to get a relationship if you truly believe that it’s impossible for you to have sex. Talk to a therapist. They are paid to understand your struggles and help you to work through them. One of the most lifechanging things I have ever done.
I was in therapy my whole life.

If you haven't noticed, the whole world is going to ѕhit. WE are not the crazy ones.
The world is a shitty place. Everyone is selfish because they want to survive. People are mean if it means that they can get ahead. People will not date you if they feel they can have someone better. BUT how do you know your beliefs are accurate? This forum has some extreme ideas for example I have seen some forums arguing that it’s okay to mass murder because every normal person is toxic.

I understand that life is shitty and you have been delt a hand that makes you want to fold but I tell you even though it won’t fix every issue if you try your best and work to improve that self esteem you will live a happier life.
 

Coop

Incels.Net Junior
Lordgoro said:
Why are you even ON this board bub? You are NOT an incel, and never were... And your advice will actual DAMAGE my fellow incels by making them believe they are in fact, mentally sick!!
I never said you were mentally sick. I am just saying that perhaps the reason you feel this way is from self esteem issues (like thinking your body type makes it impossible to get a girl) and most self esteem issues stem from some kind of trauma like abuse or bullying.

Again I am not saying you are mentally ill. What I am saying is that if you do not feel good about yourself, therapy is something you should try.
 

Coop

Incels.Net Junior
Lordgoro said:
Why are you even ON this board bub? You are NOT an incel, and never were... And your advice will actual DAMAGE my fellow incels by making them believe they are in fact, mentally sick!!
I am on here to share my experience to show you how my change of mindset helped. I understand that you do not want to hear this but if you are serious about wanting to eventually get a relationship as litterally every human wants because it’s wired into our brains, it all starts with a change of mindset around your self esteem and that will only start with therapy.
 

Lordgoro

MAD as a Hatter!
hehe, well, sorry to disappoint your theory, but i LOVE myself, I love my looks, and always have... Im probably the exception most likely.. But ALL my self-esteem, ego, confidence has not helped me one IOTA with women.. If they dont like ya, they dont like ya.. and thats that! Sorry to burst your bubble, therapy WORKED for you because you were never an incel, just thought you were... and from your story, thats the root of it... You just are in denial...
 

Coop

Incels.Net Junior
Lordgoro said:
hehe, well, sorry to disappoint your theory, but i LOVE myself, I love my looks, and always have... Im probably the exception most likely.. But ALL my self-esteem, ego, confidence has not helped me one IOTA with women.. If they dont like ya, they dont like ya.. and thats that! Sorry to burst your bubble, therapy WORKED for you because you were never an incel, just thought you were... and from your story, thats the root of it... You just are in denial...
I’m not a chad that can attract any woman I want. Obviously women won’t talk to you if they don’t like you just as you wouldn’t talk to some fat insecure chick.

It’s good that you have self confidence. This post was aimed to try to help people that had low self confidence.
 

lordoftheincels

Incels.Net Master
Coop said:
If you look at the statistics there is not as many narcissists than that. Yes the world has a lot of them but it’s possible to avoid those people and live a happy life.

Yes of corse women have preferences in looks and social status. Don’t you? Would you rather date a fat girl with no college degree, a girl that’s average looks but emotionally unstable that blames men for all the problems that she faces or would you date a girl that goes to the gym, is interesting to talk to and is working towards going to college? I think it’s obvious that you have preferences as well. This doesn’t make women any different than men in that regard.
Post this stuff in the bluepill section. You are dangerously close to a ban.

Most men (even non-incel men like you) know that most women are narcissists. Its only this nu-generation of males that pretends that women are innocent.
 

lordoftheincels

Incels.Net Master
Coop said:
Lordgoro said:
hehe, well, sorry to disappoint your theory, but i LOVE myself, I love my looks, and always have... Im probably the exception most likely.. But ALL my self-esteem, ego, confidence has not helped me one IOTA with women.. If they dont like ya, they dont like ya.. and thats that! Sorry to burst your bubble, therapy WORKED for you because you were never an incel, just thought you were... and from your story, thats the root of it... You just are in denial...
I’m not a chad that can attract any woman I want. Obviously women won’t talk to you if they don’t like you just as you wouldn’t talk to some fat insecure chick.

It’s good that you have self confidence. This post was aimed to try to help people that had low self confidence.
False dichotomy. There are three tiers, incel (a subset of subChad), subChad, and Chad. You are not a normie, the confusion is because you aren't a normie but don't know what a subChad is. All incels are subchads but not all subchads are incels.
 
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