I've been an incel until my 20th birthday, always alone, socially anxious & depressed. Few friends, altough I felt that they didn't respect me (getting roasted way too frequently, when we're drunk I always have to be the 'picture taker' and never be in the picture itself, and small signs like that,..).
I've always looked up to my cousin, who had everything. The ambition to become rich, the women & friends.. I wanted to be like him but I just didn't have any motivation nor ambition.
I was browsing YouTube for some motivating vids, because I liked the 'feeling' of being motivated, even though I knew I probably would make nothing of it. I just felt less depressed the more motivated I was.
One video I watched was a video of the most obnoxious, narcissistic, self-help douchebag I've ever seen. He was talking about how you can convince your mind to be something that you really aren't: the fake-it-till-you-make-it principle. He said if you force a mentality long enough, you'll get used to that mentality and it will take over your own. Example: make yourself believe that you're ambitious and you'll become ambitious.
As much as I disliked the guy, he persuaded me to try it. My goal: Make myself believe that I'm a confident mothefucker. I had no friends and was in my room all day by myself so trying this new mentality on myself wasn't really much of an effort. I was exaggarating my composure (like conor mcgregor haha), I was exercising my "stand up for yourself"-skills via discord & I was constantly imagining people getting beaten up by me. When my college lectures started again in september, I tried my new mentality in real life. Let me tell you, it was cringe as hell. Holy fuсking ѕhit it was cringe. In my head it was so obvious that I had a mask on, but I didn't quit. The self-help douchebag told me to hold on to my new mentality as long as it takes.
Because in my head I was making myself look like a fool everyday, I felt forced to take skills on that actually gave me something to back my mentality up. I went to the gym regularly just so I would ACTUALLY be able to believe that I can beat people up. After my first 2 months of gym I started actually feeling more confident, even though I wasn't exactly Arnold Schwarzenegger yet.. It was just the mentality that I could progressively back up now with my new hobby. Because I was still "forcing" myself to think more confidently, I forced myself to go to parties and stuff. I danced awkwardly the first time, thinking everybody was looking at me.. The 2nd time was still ѕhit. The third time I realised that actually nobody gives a fuck about me and that I'm just another uninteresting c*nt like everybody else. When drunk, I started giving less and less fucks about what people thought about me.
The problem with this: Everytime that I was drunk, the REAL FAKE mentality came up. I actually believed that I could beat up anyone. I actually believed that I could get any girl I wanted. I became a drunkenly charismatic (atleast I believed, and still believe). I made legit friends when partying, I had 3 one night stands already (still no girlfriend though), I had some fistfights and I swear to god I won most of them haha.
Drunk, I am overly confident. A delusional, narcissistic asshole. Sober, I am slowly transforming into a delusional overly confident asshole. But atleast I'm not depressed. I choose this mentality above my 20yo mentality any day of the week.
I got legit friends now that respect me. I feel ambitious, eager to improve my mentality. The thought of planting any characteristic into your mind is so calming. We can do anything, brothers. The brain is a beautiful organ.
I've always looked up to my cousin, who had everything. The ambition to become rich, the women & friends.. I wanted to be like him but I just didn't have any motivation nor ambition.
I was browsing YouTube for some motivating vids, because I liked the 'feeling' of being motivated, even though I knew I probably would make nothing of it. I just felt less depressed the more motivated I was.
One video I watched was a video of the most obnoxious, narcissistic, self-help douchebag I've ever seen. He was talking about how you can convince your mind to be something that you really aren't: the fake-it-till-you-make-it principle. He said if you force a mentality long enough, you'll get used to that mentality and it will take over your own. Example: make yourself believe that you're ambitious and you'll become ambitious.
As much as I disliked the guy, he persuaded me to try it. My goal: Make myself believe that I'm a confident mothefucker. I had no friends and was in my room all day by myself so trying this new mentality on myself wasn't really much of an effort. I was exaggarating my composure (like conor mcgregor haha), I was exercising my "stand up for yourself"-skills via discord & I was constantly imagining people getting beaten up by me. When my college lectures started again in september, I tried my new mentality in real life. Let me tell you, it was cringe as hell. Holy fuсking ѕhit it was cringe. In my head it was so obvious that I had a mask on, but I didn't quit. The self-help douchebag told me to hold on to my new mentality as long as it takes.
Because in my head I was making myself look like a fool everyday, I felt forced to take skills on that actually gave me something to back my mentality up. I went to the gym regularly just so I would ACTUALLY be able to believe that I can beat people up. After my first 2 months of gym I started actually feeling more confident, even though I wasn't exactly Arnold Schwarzenegger yet.. It was just the mentality that I could progressively back up now with my new hobby. Because I was still "forcing" myself to think more confidently, I forced myself to go to parties and stuff. I danced awkwardly the first time, thinking everybody was looking at me.. The 2nd time was still ѕhit. The third time I realised that actually nobody gives a fuck about me and that I'm just another uninteresting c*nt like everybody else. When drunk, I started giving less and less fucks about what people thought about me.
The problem with this: Everytime that I was drunk, the REAL FAKE mentality came up. I actually believed that I could beat up anyone. I actually believed that I could get any girl I wanted. I became a drunkenly charismatic (atleast I believed, and still believe). I made legit friends when partying, I had 3 one night stands already (still no girlfriend though), I had some fistfights and I swear to god I won most of them haha.
Drunk, I am overly confident. A delusional, narcissistic asshole. Sober, I am slowly transforming into a delusional overly confident asshole. But atleast I'm not depressed. I choose this mentality above my 20yo mentality any day of the week.
I got legit friends now that respect me. I feel ambitious, eager to improve my mentality. The thought of planting any characteristic into your mind is so calming. We can do anything, brothers. The brain is a beautiful organ.
