As a blackpilled mentalcel, how should I go forward with my life?

lakebed56

Incels.Net Junior
I really don't mean to any disrespect, I understand that I do have an intrinsic advantage because of my looks, and I don't equate my personal experiences to the majority here. It's just something that I'd like to discuss, because I feel like people that end up like me are kind of nonexistent.

Basically, I've been aware throughout my life that I am handsome because others have told me so. Early on in life this didn't benefit my social interactions because I was a very sensitive and anxious kid (not a whole lot has changed there). I acted effeminately, and looked girlish at that age as well, as I'm sure you can understand I was the target of a lot of bullying due to this. While I was generally treated well, my situation at school resulted in me having very poor self esteem rather quickly. Played a lot of video games, and became known for being the awkward nerd of the class. Middle school made things worse, because I wore oval frame glasses, long hair, and began to get very bad acne I needed medication for. Only friends I had were two guys just as nerdy and outcast as me, and at this point I became pretty addicted to gaming and hardly interacted with people.

In 8th grade I switched schools and discovered PUA and started to make some changes to myself, did the standard issue lift bro and looksmaxx. I would notice that a few girls at school seemed to think I was attractive, as well as me getting looks outside of school. I attributed this to me successfully becoming more alpha, and hacking the system. My "luck" ended when I finally worked up the nerve to ask a girl out. My problem was that I was still violently socially retаrded, and embarrassed myself really badly in front of other people. I was outcast again at my new school, and began excessively reading red pill ideology. I began to believe that I simply didn't have a chance at all because I wasn't alpha enough, and didn't have the social prowess to navigate the dating market. I then focused all my time on trying to personalitymaxx myself into an 80s action movie hero on roids. Just made myself miserable and depressed of course. I eventually found the black pill within the last year and it's finally set in to me that I'm very privileged when it comes to girls. When I look back on my youth, girls did give me attention and show me interest, but I always thought that they wouldn't stick around because I wasn't alpha enough. I know now stupid such thinking was, and that it could have been very easy for me if I could have somehow just fixed my self esteem problems and social anxiety. I didn't have to be a sporty alpha, I could have probably been open about my nerdy interests and girls would have thought it was cute or interesting. I'm feeling kind of stuck now, because I've grown very jaded and bitter from learning the truth of female sexuality. I struggle in my interactions with women, because the way they act seems so savage and animalistic to me. I also have a great amount of sympathy and care deeply for you all, I feel like it's very unfair that girls seem to like me and I don't have to do a whole lot.

I just feel really lost, like my head just raсes at a million miles an hour constantly, what do I even do from here?
 

lordoftheincels

Incels.Net Master
Your story is similar to mine. I was told the same things as a teen. Had opportunities to get laid but missed out due to fear and being indocrinated to have low self-esteem.

As feminism and marxism grows and grows, and society continues to decay, it just gets worse. I no longer have the same looks I had as a teen. And each year people seem increasingly more and more narcissistic and unloving. Society increasingly polarized and divided.

I also was bothered by the status quo too. And how women act more animalistic in terms of dating. Like how they would portray themselves as saints. But then only date the cool, rich, or popular people. And they would always act like it wasn't so, that the dating scene was fair. When it was completely anything but fair.
 
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